Marauders Conspire
by stripytiger98
Summary: Sixth-year Marauders Wolfstar fic. When James and Peter enter a bet on when Remus and Sirius will finally get together, they start working from the inside to make it happen. T for occasional bad language. Rating may be changed in the near future.
1. Marauders Bet

**A/N:**** This fic is set in the Marauders' sixth year, and Sirius and Remus are having a bit of a dilemma. James and Peter are trying to get them together - for their happiness and for money, too.**

**JAMES' POV**

"I'm telling you, Pete, it's absolute GENIUS."  
Pettigrew scoffed at me. "It's the oldest trick in the book. Seriously."  
"Yeah, which is why they won't be suspecting it. All their UST is killing me."  
It was a foggy Saturday morning, and Peter and I were lounging in the common room. There was no better feeling than to relax by the fire on a day like that, all mysterious.  
It was our sixth year at Hogwarts, and we were SUPPOSED to be studying for our practice Transfiguration N.E.W.T exam in the next couple of days. But, as usual, I was shirking my studies (along with Wormtail), whilst Pads was getting off - desperately - with some girl in the year below, and Moony was in the library.  
"It's not just the UST, James. It's the bet, too. I'm not stupid. You know that when the two finally get together, it has to be of their own accord for it to be a valid win. Locking them in a broom cupboard together is hardly of their own accord."  
At the time, the whole school had this massive, massive bettting pool on when Remy and Sirius would pair up. The whole school knew that Sirius Orion Black swung both ways. Well. More towards the masculine community, anyway. That was why he was dating so many chicks. As if it was a disease he could cure.  
Peter and I had 20 Galleons each on November, and it was already the 16th. Just fourteen days to get the two to have a public, conscious, display of affection. Two weeks. We were getting desperate.  
"Well, what else can we do? We've tried slipping Sirius some Amortentia. What a mess that was."  
Peter scowled. "You don't say. You accidentally spiking MY drink and making me confess my 'love' to Larissa Clythe was a Grade 2 disaster."  
I smirked at the memory. Oh, how stupid Peter had looked when he had made up an entire sonnet for that blue-eyed Hufflepuff. I guessed he wouldn't be trying anything like that in a hurry for a while.  
I stroked my stubbled chin "What about staging some sort of accident? Like telling Sirius that Moony's fallen down the Grand Staircase or something? Try and get a lovey-dovey response from him?"  
Peter shook his head. "No. It wouldn't be worth half of the prize pot each. What if Sirius never forgave us? About lying to him about something as dangerous as that?"  
I was starting to get seriously narked.  
"Look, Pete. What do you propose we do then? I'm getting seriously narked."  
"You know what Sirius would say to that if he were here right now?" Peter grinned. I held up my hand to halt him.  
"No. Don't. It's bad enough when he says it. Don't you start too."  
The last thing I wanted to hear was Messr Padfoot saying 'I'M always Sirius', but, unfortunately for me, that's exactly what I heard a moment later.


	2. Marauders Confer

Part 2 - Marauders Confer

**REMUS' POV FOR THE REST OF THE FIC**

'The 1871 Wizard-Goblin convention ended in disaster when the Bavarian goblins accused the American wizards of larceny, the Americans having proposed a trade to the goblins (a tonne of the finest goblin-made jewellery for the right to carry and use wands in America), but didn't uphold their side of the deal', I wrote.

My face became a frown. The sentence was clumsy and muddled. I would never consciously write something as dull as that.

"Tergeo." The offending sentence vanished, and, with a sigh, I began to re-write it.

"Hey, Remus. Thought I'd find you in here."

I looked up. Lily Evans slipped onto the bench opposite me, her emerald eyes glittering

"Lily." I nodded at her.

Out of curiosity, she took my essay off me and began reading it. "What's this?"

I scratched the nape of my neck.

"Oh, it's, er, Binns' homework. Four feet on the Wizard-Goblin Convention."

"Oh yeah," Lily smiled, returning my essay. "I've been meaning to ask you about that. What happened in 1840?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Tsk tsk. Haven't you been taking notes in class, Lily? Been too busy staring at a certain James Potter, have you?"

It was worth the jibe just for her reaction. Lily choked on air, spluttering and wheezing.  
Once she had recovered, she hit me round the head with 'Achievements in Charming'.

"Of course not, Lupin. I... I was focusing on keeping Lois from feeling me up. You know how hormonal he gets."

I snorted, and went back to my essay. "Sure."

"Although," Lily continued. "I know that _somebody's_ getting that way too. How are you and Sirius doing?"

Now it was my turn to splutter.

My voice was squeaky as I said, "What?!"

"You heard me," Lily smirked, amused.

I waived her accusation. "It wasn't that type of what. It was more like a 'I-can't-believe-you're-actually-talking-to-me-about-relationships-when-you-can't-even-sort-out-your-own' type of what."

Lily now raised _her_ eyebrows. "You meant to say all that with just one word? Anyway, stop changing the subject. How's your relationship with Sirius going?"

"Oh." I reddened slightly, remembering last night's less-than-innocent-but-not-too-forward activities. To put it mildly, lots of Arousiem Retanos had been cast that night. On both of us.

Lily motioned for me to elaborate.

"It's, uh... stable. And if this another ploy to get us to 'come out' publicly, then you've got another think coming."

Lily's angelic face almost made me believe that she could do nothing wrong. A misleading assumption. Lily could be as manipulative as any of the Marauders.

"No, it's nothing to do with that. I had July next year, so..."

I was aghast. "Lily, please don't tell me _you actually bet_. Please. For the sake of my sanity."

Lily's mischievous smile returned. "I, too, bet on when you and Sirius would come out as gay. It doesn't really matter, since everyone knows you two are gay. Well. Everyone apart from Sirius. I expect he thinks that he just has lust for you, not actual love. He's probably in denial.

"Lily. He is most definitely _not_ in denial, for fuck's sake. Not after last night. I know he isn't."

The red-head's eyes lit up again, even brighter. "Oooh! So you _do_ do stuff with him!"

"Keep your voice down!" I implored. "It's nothing heavy. Just fooling around, really."

"You know how it goes. First it's 'just fooling around', then it goes on to being really full on, and _then_ you end up living together. It's too bad that the wizarding world doesn't let people of the same sex to get married. Otherwise I would force you two to get married as soon as you graduated."

"Okay, this is getting weird. I'm gonna go find the others. See you, Lils."

I put the lid on my ink pot and rolled my essay up. I packed all my stuff in my satchel, and with my copy of 'Wizards vs. Goblins - The Eternal Feud' under my arm, I walked out of the library.

* * *

**A/N:**** Please take the time to review this story so far. It really makes my day to see that someone's actually bothered. Even if it's just a sentence!**


	3. Marauders Drink

**A/N: ****From now on, updates will typically come each day, in the morning (UK time)!**

Part 3 - Marauders Drink

"Virtuosity."  
The portrait of the Fat Lady swung open in front of me, revealing the portrait hole. I chucked my bag through it and crawled after it and into a maelstrom of noise.  
"Arresto Momentum!" a voice cried just as I straightened up. There was a popping noise and the bust of Godric Gryffindor stopped still two inches off the ground. I looked around for the caster.  
There he was. Sirius, of course. His wand out and holding the charm. I wondered what he was were doing with the bust. I shook my head. Some things I just don't want to know.  
I went over to my favourite seat, in front of the fire and bookcase, and dropped my satchel next to it. I was just about to sink into the armchair when Sirius called my name.  
"Oi! Remus! Fancy playing with me?"  
I almost blushed. Oh, the inappropriateness of that simple sentence. I swallowed and turned to face him, quickly putting a curious look on my face.  
"What ARE you doing?"  
Sirius grinned that adorable grin of his.  
"Wizard tennis," he said innocently. "Want a go?"  
For the second time in twenty minutes, I spluttered.  
"Wizard TENNIS? With the bust of Godric? In the COMMON ROOM?"  
"Yes. Problem?"  
I folded my arms. The whole house was staring at the two of us, as if they were expecting us to spontaneously start shagging on the carpet like a pair of freaking bunnies. Which, of course, I amended, they were.  
"I can think of so many problems with that."  
Sirius ended the charm with a flick of his wand.  
"Well, it's a good thing that you're going to play with me. Right?"  
I remained haughty and silent.  
Sirius' eyes pleaded with me, until my resolve finally broke.  
" Fine," I said. With a flick of my wand, the bust returned to its rightful place. Another flick and a squash ball appeared in my hand. "But we'll use a soft ball. So how do you play?"  
Sirius bounded into action, summoning the ball from me. The whole of Gryffindor House was in a circle around the two of us, and I began to get a feeling of stage-fright.  
"Okay. It's just like Muggle tennis, but with magic and no outs. Basically, just don't let the ball touch the floor. First to score three wins. 'Kay?"  
I nodded, my wand at the ready.  
"Depulso!" The ball sped towards me, and I slashed my wand through the air, casting a non-verbal Obstruction Hex.  
The ball bounced off the invisible wall and back towards Sirius.  
"Impedimenta!" Sirius sent the ball spinning back to me. I suddenly saw why Sirius liked this game. The rush of adrenaline when something was speeding towards your face was electrifying.  
"Flipendo." The ball bounced in front of Sirius, and he shook his head disbelievingly.  
"Beaten by a beginner. Gosh. Here." Sirius handed me a goblet of some suspicious l orange liquid.  
I took it. "What am I supposed to do?"  
James' voice could be heard from the audience. "Didn't he tell you? The winner of each point has to drink this. It's only Butterbeer with a Slowing Charm. Helps balance the field, you know?"  
Sirius nodded in agreement. "Standard Wizard Tennis protocol."  
I observed the liquid quickly, and downed it. It tasted nothing like Butterbeer. It was very metallic. It made me feel queasy  
"I... I don't feel too good. I think I'm gonna go lie down."  
"What the hell did you do to that drink?!" Sirius hissed to James.  
"I must have made the charm too strong," James shrugged. "They're hard things to master."  
"Next time, I'm doing the charm. I can't trust you not to cock up."  
"Look who's talking..." James muttered.


	4. Marauders Feel

**A/N:**** I feel generous today, so here: here's Chapter 4! xD**

****The world dissolved into a disconcerting kaleidoscope of colour as I climbed up the stairs to one of the sixth-year dorms. I shared mine with Sirius and two other guys called Paul and Raymond. Luckily for me, they were both in detention with Professor Kralie for jinxing Nott in the corridor. I really did not appreciate their constant bickering.  
I burst into the dorm and collapsed onto the first bed I saw, not caring if it was mine or not.  
Burying my head into the pillow, I tried to stop the dizziness. But after a scarce half-minute, I gave up and just lay there.  
I inhaled in the strange, spicy and somehow simultaneously musky scent of the pillow. I knew the smell from somewhere, but in my befuddled state, I just couldn't place it.  
The smell intoxicated me even further, and a series of images started to flash through my head.  
The new Cleansweep model. An over-flowing cauldron. And a big black dog.  
"Remus?" Sirius' voice came from the doorway.  
I started to sit up. "Oh. Sirius. Hey."  
Sirius walked over to the bed, and bounded onto my lap.  
"You do know that this is my bed, right?"  
Of course. So that's why I knew the smell from somewhere. It was Sirius' pillow, so it was Sirius' scent.  
"Oh," I said again.  
"No. It's okay." He observed me closely with those mysterious grey eyes of his. Like limpid tears.  
Sirius frowned suddenly, and traced his finger just below my right eye.  
"You sure you've been sleeping properly, Remus? You've got dark circles under your eyes."  
I brushed his hand away. "The full moon's coming up. You know how it gets."  
Sirius' own eyes were filled with pity.  
"I do worry about you, Remus."  
"Don't."  
I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his. The kiss was clumsy, as everything was with me. Usually it was Sirius who initiated our sparse kisses, but this time, it was me.  
Sirius broke away, not quick enough for me to feel rejected, but not slowly, either.  
"Hold on." Sirius drew his wand from his pocket, and closed the curtains around the bed.  
"Silencio." He got on the bed again, this time he laid next to me.  
"Now," he grinned. "We can continue." And with that, Sirius reinstated the kiss.

Though I didn't know it, back in the common room, James and Peter were having a field day. Their on-the-spot plan was actually working.  
Once Sirius had 'crept up' on the two earlier, and suggested that they do something fun (his date had probably been less than satisfying), James had had one of his dangerous flashes of inspiration.  
He had 'suggested' to Sirius that they play Wizard Tennis.  
Sirius, of course, was smitten with the idea. He loved breaking stuff. So when James went upstairs to 'get the Butterbeer', he actually planted one of Fabian and Gideon Prewett's magical bugs in Remus and Sirius' bedside cabinets. They would be activated once someone got within five metres of them, relaying sound and video to the mother unit, which happened to be in James' satchel.  
He also cast a Libidinousness Hex on the Butterbeer, which would make the drinker excessively horny (after a few minutes of dizziness. When he had first found it, he had planned to hex Lily Evans' pumpkin juice at dinner. Unfortunately, Evans got wind of this, and hexed his robes to continually beat him round the balls.  
Anyway.  
And now, unbeknownst to Sirius and me, they were showing the screen to Siobhan Grant, the ringleader of the whole system.  
Well, they would have shown it to Grant, if Lily hadn't shown up in the nick of time, got him to tell her absolutely everything, and confiscated the device.  
Lily told me all of this at breakfast the next morning. I was fuming.  
"James Charlus Potter. That conniving, money-driven arse. He'd better not be around during my next transformation, otherwise I might just rip those antlers out of his stupid fucking head."  
"Woah, calm down there, Remus!" Lily said to me, suppressing a giggle. "You don't want Professor McGonagall to come over here and start asking questions, do you?"  
I looked darkly over at Siobhan Grant. She was sitting with a group of friends, all of them holding pieces of paper with betting odds on them. Her expression was serious.  
"I bet she already knows about it. Thanks to _that_ lot."  
I switched my attention back to Lily, who was looking at me as if I might suddenly transform right there and then.  
I grabbed my bag. "You finished?"  
She nodded.  
"Good. Let's leave before I'm forced to tear someone's head off."


	5. Marauders Pass Notes

First lesson on a Monday was Potions with Professor Slughorn.

Practical Potions lessons were almost always small catastrophes with me. That's why I usually worked with James, the third best potioneer in the class (Lily and Severus being the best). However, on this day, when it was time for us to start making the Befuddlement Draft - "notoriously tricky to perfect" according to Slughorn - I stalked straight past James and bagged Lily as my partner. Severus would just have to find someone else.

The expression on Potter's face was one of hurt, and with his ego slightly bruised, he partnered Peter, since Sirius was not on talking terms with him either.

Peter was even worse than me at producing potions, so James would be hard-pressed to stop him from melting his pewter cauldron into a soggy, sticky blob.

I shook my head at him. 'Serves him right,' I thought. 'Might stop him from recording people in an intimate position.'

"Remus?" Lily snapped her fingers in my face. "I was talking to you."

"Huh?" I tore my gaze away from the two idiots and looked at her.

"I asked you if you were alright."

"Oh." I raked my fingers through my sandy hair. "I was thinking about how long it'll take for Peter to drive James ballistic."

Lily brushed her red hair out of her eyes. "Well, we should probably get started on this potion then."

"Right. What do we need?"

Lily consulted 'Advanced Potion Making'.

"Um... 3 pounds of valerian roots, 2 fluid ounces of essence of belladonna, pomegranate juice, a pinch of ground graphorn horn and a leaf of Venomous Tentacula. But all we need to get from the store is the graphorn horn and valerian roots."

"Right." Remus went off to the store cupboard to get the ingredients.

...~loOol~...~loOol~...~loOol~...

"No, Remus! Essence of Belladonna, not cobra venom!"

Lily stayed my hand as I attempted to add the wrong ingredient for the second time. Lily shook her head, and added the correct amount of belladonna.

"Okay. Now we have to... add the graphorn horn slowly. Remus!"

Again, I found I was staring at James and Peter, who - by a miracle - had not completely wrecked their potion yet. James was looking at his desk, probably doodling on his textbook. He looked up and saw me looking at him. He mouthed "are you okay?" and I turned my back on him.

Lily was giving me a death glare.

"For the love of all that's magic, Remus, what's on your mind? You're not still mad at James, are you?"

I mumbled incoherently.

"Remus, just let it go. I don't think it shou-"

Her attention was caught by an envelope that floated over my shoulder and onto my lap.

I picked it up and unfolded it.

"It's a letter," I whispered to Lily. "It says:

"Moony,  
I bet you're upset about the whole magical bug thing, huh? Evans must've told you everything she forced out of me yesterday. Well, I'm sorry. I guess i didn't really respect your privacy.

You know, Sirius is angry, too. The last thing he said to me was not fit for writing (in case old Slughorn comes snooping). I really want all three of us to start talking again. Whatever it takes. Even if it means me dancing naked on the common-room table.  
Prongs."

"That over-confident, sucky bastard," Lily hissed. "He only wants you and Black to get together so he can get his money."

I burnt the letter with a flick of my wand, and flicked it again over my shoulder. I knew that another letter would appear on James' desk. It would read,

"You'll have to do better than that."

Short, snappy and to the point. Just like me.

A moment later, my slip of parchment returned. On the other side, James had written:

"Doing the naked conga with Frank Longbottom in front of the whole house? Would that do?"

In spite of myself, I almost smiled. He sure knew how to take the piss.

I turned around in my seat, and mouthed, "Maybe."

James was so shocked, he actually swept all of his powdered graphorn horn into his cauldron at once.

Let's just say it was very messy.

**A/N:**** Part 6 will be the strangest interesting so far, I think! All I'm saying is that it involves a boatload of Firewhiskey and lots of outrageousness from Remus xD**


	6. Marauders Drink Some More

**A/N:**** This chapter was really hard for me to write... I apologise in advance for all the weirdness. You'll see it when you get to it.**

" 'Kay, Moony. Your turn. Truth or Dare?"  
It was the following evening, and Sirius had forced me to play Spin the Bottle with James and Peter in their dorm. It was only seven o'clock, but I had already drunk about a litre of Firewhiskey. By some miracle, I wasn't stone drunk, but I was certainly a bit tipsy.

I hiccuped.

"Truth. Your dares are so stupid."

Sirius took a swig of Firewhiskey. "Alright... Have you ever... had your wicked way with a girl?"

I blushed a fierce red. "I don't have to answer that." As the forfeit, I drank another goblet. It scalded my throat on the way down. I had been doing a lot of forfeits that night.

Sirius groaned, almost sloshing the contents of his bottle over himself.

"Lighten UP, Moony! God."

I prodded the magical bottle, and it spun to face James.

"Truth or Dare, Potter?"

James frowned. "Dare."

I grinned. Perfect. Revenge time.

"I dare you... to grind, naked, on the common room table with Pete, for two minutes."

Peter squeaked worriedly. "Wh- what?!"

I smiled at him, almost sincerely. "Don't worry, Pete. You can wear Sirius' codpiece. It's not your dare, after all."

"I never back down from a dare," James said heroically. "Now. To prepare."

...~loOol~...~loOol~...~loOol~...

"Oh Merlin. Why did I ever agree to this?" James moaned. "Do I at least to get to have my scarf covering my balls? I don't want to accidentally take Pete through the arse."

He was standing in the doorway of the dorm, in only his way-too-small boxer shorts - which he would drop once he got onto the table. Peter was in Sirius' codpiece, which I had to shrink a bit to fit him. Actually, make that a lot.

I smiled evilly. "No. If you're gonna do the crime, you gotta do the time."

"What crime?! All I did was -"

"Invade Remus' and my privacy and almost show a tape of us making out to the whole house," Sirius slurred, his speech hardly decipherable. "Moony's right. You deserve this."

"Well, when you put it like that..."

I tugged James and Peter down the little spiral staircase and shoved them into the common room. "Go on."

James gathered his confidence together, and climbed up onto the centre table with Peter.

All James' confidence seemed to have evaporated. He nervously cleared his throat, and he announced:

"Uh, everyone... I'd just like you to know... that what I'm about to do is for a dare, and I have no feelings towards Peter Pettigrew whatsoever."

"Get on with it!" a voice called irritably.

James audibly gulped. "Well. Here goes."

James Potter dropped his underwear, to many gasps in the audience. It was no big deal to Sirius and I, having skinny-dipped with him numerous times in the summer.

He then rubbed his, ahem... _package_... on Peter, making one or two of the first-year girls faint and illiciting some gasps and groans from the observers.

It's not that I was aroused. Far from it. It was just strange seeing two of my friends actually naked and one doing stuff to the other. I could nearly taste James and Peter's humiliation.

A flurry of movement in my peripheral vision. Sirius. I turned to face him, and I was actually shocked speechless by what I was seeing.

Sirius Black, the all-round Hogwarts heartthrob, and who could get any girl in the school merely by flashing a smile at them, was rubbing his dick through his robes whilst staring at the pair.

"Sirius!" I hissed, mortified. This was the common room, not the dorm. One of James' rules for Sirius (they made rules for each other when they first started up the Marauders) was that polishing his wand in the presence of non-Marauders was fine, but _polishing his wand_was not. If you know what he meant. "What are you doing?!"

Sirius jerked back to real life, and followed my frantic looks to his hand. He didn't seem that surprised at all.

"Oh. I guess I'm just... enjoying the show."

Then I got it. Sirius was drunk. He was gay, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself. The sight of James, his best friend, going at it was just too much for him to hold in.

"Th- that's right," I stuttered. "You're... enjoying... the show."

The show. I remembered James and Peter. They must have done two minutes by then.

I cleared my throat. "Alright guys. You can stop now."

James tugged his boxers up faster than you could say "free Cleansweep".

Oh great. Now everyone was staring at me like I was some sick pervert. Which, I reminded myself, I probably was. After all, I had been the one to administer the dare.

But then again, James had been the one who had suggested public nudity in the first place.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by an angered Chaser, and Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, coming straight for me, with death written all over his face.

**A/N:**** Anyone ship Peter/James? xD I'm interested. I don't personally, but it was necessary for the plot. You'll see in the next chapter. Please review!**

**\(^O^)/**


	7. Marauders' Angst

**A/N:**** Again, I apologise for the messed-up-ness of the last chapter xD I assure you that such weirdness will not be occurring for a while!**

**Also, I'm sorry fo****r the long period without updating. Between schoolwork and daily life, I only have the time to write around 200 words per day, and I've also run out of pre-written chapters to post. I will try to update at least every two or three days. I can assure you that this fic will _not_ be abandoned!**

James seized me by the collar of my shirt and tugged me up to his eye-level. I was a bit shorter than he was, so my feet were dangling about four inches above the stone step.

"What the _hell_? Did you _really_ have to dare me to do that?" James hissed dangerously, his face centimetres away from mine.

I eased my ash wand from my robe pocket.

"You asked for it. _Relashio!_"

James was forced to relinquish his grip on me, and red and gold sparks shot from the end of my wand. I dropped the couple of inches to the floor, and pointed the weapon at James in a defensive position, ready to block if he lunged at me or something.

"I don't know what you're whining about. Even Peter isn't complaining!"

Peter was standing meekly behind James, still in the codpiece.

"That's 'cos he wasn't the one butt-naked in front of probably a quarter of our house! Just wait until tomorrow: the news will be all over the school by breakfast!"

The wolf inside me reared its head. I was getting angry now.

"It was _you_ who suggested 'doing the naked conga with Frank Longbottom'. I just... _modified_... the circumstances."

James was indignant.

"Mod - you almost had me shagging _Pete!_ And I was joking about the whole conga thing. I didn't think you'd actually take me up on it! Merlin, this whole thing violates the Marauders' Code so badly, I'll have to make up a whole new scale!"

I frowned and glanced at Sirius. He was staring rather blankly at us, as if he had hardly any idea what was going on.

"Shouldn't we continue this upstairs?" James said, trying to keep his voice level. "I don't want the whole of the common room to hear this."

...~loOol~...~loOol~...~loOol~...

"Muffliato." I charmed the door to fill the ears of anyone near it with a strange buzzing noise. I had got the charm off Lily, who had got it from Severus, the inventor.

Peter was getting changed out of the codpiece in his own dorm, and Sirius was lying in his bed, staring at the four-poster's sagging canopy.

At once, James started again.

"Why the hell did you have to put me through that?"

I suddenly burst like a volcano. My inner wolf was straining at the bars of its cage, wanting to be set free. "Because that was the whole point!" I still had my wand on James the whole time, and I was ready to strike if it was called for. "To see if you could stand the humiliation if the prize was my friendship back. But now, you've gone and chucked that to the Hinkypunks the second you came after me!"

I tightened my grip on my wand.

"I don't think that I'll be in our little gang for much longer, _Potter_. You crossed the line. No more Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Just Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Unless Sirius feels the way I do, too. Then it's just you and Pete. What fun!"

James grabbed his robes from Paul's bed and produced his wand.

"You baiting me is going to be the last conversation we'll ever have, Lupin."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well, it's a good thing that I finally get to speak my mind, then. Now I can finally see what Lily sees in you; an arrogant, bullying little toe-rag."

James roared, his reins snapped.

"LOCOMOTOR WIBBLY!"

A bolt of orange light shot towards me, and I easily dodged it. The game was on.

"_Tentaclifors!_"

James parried the jinx, and shot another.

I cast an Obstruction Hex, and James' Body-Bind Curse rebounded and shattered Paul's window.

"_Confringo_!" I yelled, and a bright fireball smacked into the floorboards at James' feet, causing him to jump backa couple of paces.

He threw an incompetent Stinging Jinx, which spiralled off and hit the door.

Seemingly almost out of options, James cast a Protego Charm and held it in place.

Almost lazily, I shot a Disarming Charm at the shield, which shattered and fell to the floor.

"And _this_ is why you should always do your homework youraelf, Potter. _Incarcerous._"

Silver ropes sprang from th tip ofg my wand and bound James tightly. He overbalanced and fell to the floor with a dull thump.

"_Expelliarmus._" His wand soared from his grip,and I caught it in my free hand.

James strained against his bindings, and I waged a finger at him.

"Nun-uh. Do you want me to put you out there again?"

In answer, James let off a stream of swear words aimed at me. I shrugged.

"Okay, t hen Your choice. _Mobilicorpus._"

I levitated James out of the dorm and down the stone staircase. I set him down on the table again, and cast an Immobilising Hex on him. I vansihed the ropes with a swish of my wand and I said to him:

"Oh, and I get to keep the Map. Not much use to you half-finished, is it?

I retreated up the steps and burst into the dorm. Sirius was asleep on his bed. I felt a pang of sadness. Gone were the Marauders. Gone were the times of mischeif and mayhem. All that remained were the memories.

On an impulse, I laid next to Sirius and fiddled with his hair, wrapping it around my finger, as if tying him to me forever.


	8. Marauders' Morning

When I woke up, the other side of the bed was empty. Especially since today was a Saturday, it was very un-Sirius-like to get up early.

A bit groggily, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and I suddenly noticed that my shirt was partly unbuttoned and my tie all wonky.

_What happened?_ I asked myself. Then I actually felt my face go white. _Please don't say I actually made out with Sirius. Please. Not with Paul and Raymond still in the room, and no Silencing Charm on the bed._

I got off the bed and grabbed my wand off Sirius' nightstand.

"_Lautus._" I made the bed with a Tidying Charm, and I picked my robes up from the floor.

_I think I actually did. I did. I made out with a drunk Sirius Black, and straight after I severed my friendship with his best friend, too._

I scanned the room for anyone. The dorm was part empty; Paul's bed still had its drapes closed. I realised that Paul's window had a gaping hole in it. With a pang of guilt, I remembered deflecting James' curse the night before and smashing his window. Paul, who was mediocre at Charms, must not have been able to fix it.

I was torn from my thoughts by none other than Sirius, who had just came out of the bathroom, clad in only a red towel, and badly whistling the tune to his most recent favourite song. His body was slick with water, and, as usual, I found myself admiring his god-like body. The water trickling down his chest. The glint of water in his hair.

I snapped myself out of yet another reverie.

"Hey, Remus," Sirius nodded at me. "You all right?"

I chucked my robes on my own bed, and fixed him with my amber eyes. "Yeah. Just feeling a bit strange. Full moon's tomorrow night." Then it hit me. The night after that was the first moon in a while where I wouldn't have anyone with me during the transformation. I was eagerly awaiting the end of the development of the Wolfsbane Potion, which would let me keep my own mind during the change, but that still had a while to go yet. No, there would be no-one there with me, no-one to keep me company.

"Same with me," Sirius said, going over to his bed and dropping his towel in order to get dressed. "I feel a bit dizzy. And I've got a pounding headache." I snorted. "That would be because of all the Firewhiskey you drank last night."

"Oh," Sirius laughed while pulling on his underwear. "That would definitely explain why I found myself covered in vomit when I woke up."

On the inside, I frowned. If Sirius _had _thrown up in his sleep, wouldn't he have choked? He normally slept on his back. And even if he wasn't in his usual sleeping position, why wasn't the bed covered in vomit? And for that matter, why not me, too?

On the outside, I appeared to be sympathetic, sitting on the bed next to him and putting my arm around him.

"You sure you're okay?"

Sirius looked away. "Remus, I was drunk. I threw up in my sleep. So I went to have a bath. It's not the end of the world."

"Mm. Sure. I guess I'm being just a bit over-protective."

Suddenly, Sirius stood up in front of me. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern.

"Since when have ever admitted to being over-protective? You're like a mother hen, always fussing, but when we all try to tell you, you always waive our explanations." I raised my eyebrow. "A mother hen? Is that the best you could come up with?"

"What else could I say? A partially blind mole?" "Moles are naturally blind, so no, you couldn't."

Sirius picked up his towel and chucked it at me. It missed.

"Smartarse."

"Idiot." I grinned, and pulled him back down on the bed. "What were we even talking about, anyway?" "How you are or are not a mother hen." I shook my head in mock dissapointment. "So easily distracted. What time is it, anyway?" I glanced at Sirius' alarm clock, which he seldom used. "8.50." We should be getting to breakfast. Before all the good stuff is gone."


	9. Marauders What Marauders?

"Okay. So let me get this straight. You broke up a five, six-year-long  
relationship just because James got mad at you?"  
It was breakfast that morning, and Lily was asking me about what  
happened last night.  
I had a pounding headache, and I had to try really hard to be civil.  
The full moon was that night, and I was anxious.  
I spooned some more cereal into my mouth and swallowed.  
"It's not just that, Lily. I was fed up with him anyway. Making me  
sneak out every other night and run the risk of being caught.  
Expecting to do his homework for him, on top of mine. I do double the  
number of classes that he does." I looked daggers at that git on the  
other end of the Gryffindor table.  
"It was his fault, anyway. He was the one who wanted to -"  
"Do the naked conga with Frank, yes, I know. How many times has that  
been said over the past couple of days? Because that's lots of times  
too many." Lily leaned over to get a slice of toast to butter. "Wow,  
I'm really going off topic here."  
I finished my bowl of cereal.  
"I s'pect Potter's told Sirius all about it," I mumbled thickly. "The  
fight. He was stone drunk all the way through it. Someone could have  
even hexed his Firewhiskey. Wouldn't put it past his mate. I wonder  
who he'll choose. Me or him."  
Lily laid a comforting hand on my arm.  
"Why does he even have to choose? Why can't he just be friends with all of you?"  
I viciously stabbed a few pancakes with my knife. I was ravenous.  
"Because I don't want to have anything to do with that stupid,  
big-headed, stuck-up prat that he calls his friend," I explained  
savagely, not even wanting to say Potter's name. "It's me or him."  
Lily sighed.  
"So. Full moon tonight. What's your plan?"  
I almost dropped the chocolate sauce pot.  
"You know?"  
Lily raised an eyebrow. "You thought I didn't? For someone as smart as  
you, Remus, how can you be so dumb?"  
"How - how did you -?"  
"Did you really think that visiting your sick aunt every month without  
fail was an aquedate excuse? And every single visit just happens to be  
on the full moon?"  
"Keep your voice down," I implored.  
Lily continued regardless. " - And not to mention all those scars you  
have. So. Who was it?"  
I started eating my pancakes.  
, still slightly in shock.  
"According to Dumbledore, I should really be bringing you to him now  
that you've found out what exactly my FLP is." I half-joked. "And who  
was what?"  
"Who bit you?"  
"Oh. It was Fenrir Greyback." Lily gasped in horror. "Do you know him?"  
"Do I know him? He's only the most dangerous werewolf out there at  
present. Did you know that he's infected over fifty people in the past  
year-and-a-half?"  
"Honestly, Lily, I couldn't care less. Fighting the Dark side isn't my  
problem right now. It will be, soon. But not at this moment. And I  
really don't want to talk about it. So can we just drop this?" I  
poured some more chocolate sauce over my pancakes.  
"Just one more question. Can I come with you tonight? To help you  
instead of those three?"  
"Lily, no. It's too -"  
"Dangerous? I'll have you know, I am more than capable than defending  
myself. And I can always put a Disillusionment Charm on myself."  
"But, if I scratched you, or bit you, I could never forgive myself.  
Knowing that I infected you. I couldn't. I can't let you come, Lily.  
I'm sorry."  
Lily's eyes sparkled. "We'll just have to see about that, won't we?"


	10. Getting a Job

**A/N;**** I apologise in advance for the spacing. I really have no time right now to edit it, so... sorry D:**

A beam of purple light flashed past me. I shook my head to dispell the  
momentary dizziness, and continued on.  
It was the last lesson of the day, and it was Defence Against the Dark  
Arts. I was duelling Lily (as usual) and she was basically kicking my  
arse.  
The room was filled with intriguing objects, such as a giant  
Sneakoscope, a Fanged Frisbee, a massive golden aerial that I knew by  
sight, but couldn't name, and various aquariums. Flashes of light, the  
noises of spells and taunts were heard all around.  
We could conjure up anything that could assist us in the duel. This,  
according to Professor Kralie, would be essential practice for the  
swelling war. Kralie was wandering around the pairs, giving  
suggestions and correcting spellwork.  
"Carpe Retractum!" I span around and cast a Seize-And-Pull Charm at a  
tank of brightly-coloured tropical fish a fair few feet to Lily's  
right. The water cascaded onto the floorboards with an ominous swish.  
Most of it poured over James, and I smirked. The wet boy looked at me  
like a kicked puppy, but then apparently thought that it was  
completely intentional, and dried his robes instantly and shot me a  
scalding look.  
The tank had served a double purpose.  
Lily jumped, and retaliated with a Melofors jinx, which I dodged.  
"You'll have to do better than that!" she grinned, and restored the  
aquarium, fish and the water.  
"Fumos!" I cried. A mist of silver smoke poured from my wandtip and  
created a barrier between us. It curled and undulated mystically in  
the space, creating a sense of the unknown.  
Lily had a bit of trouble vanishing the smoke, as I predicted. Fumos  
was hard to get rid of.  
I was ready.  
"Baubillious!"  
A streak of white lightning flashed through the classroom and  
illuminated the space. I could see no-one clearly for a few moments,  
and neither could Lily.  
I heard her voice ring loud and clear: "Colloshoo!"  
Her orange Sticking Hex missed, and struck the enormous, ticking clock  
behind me.  
The Fumos smoke finally faded, and my amber eyes looked into her emerald ones.  
At the same time, we both cast Disarming Charms. Our aims were true.  
Both our wands were sent spinning into the chaos of the classroom, and  
we were forced to stop the duel.  
Professor Kralie, who had been silently watching us duel, Summoned  
both our wands and held them out to us.  
Lily and I came to collect our wands, and we smiled at each other. We  
were both experienced duellists, and it was almost a test of who was  
superior every time we duelled together. We both wanted to triumph  
over the other.  
As we received our wands, Kralie started to speak to us.  
"Excellent work you two. Excellent, excellent. Take thirty points each  
for Gryffindor. Now. Lupin."  
"Yes, sir?"  
"I hear you're quite the tutor."  
I scratched my neck in embarrassment.  
"I... I'm okay, I guess."  
"How would you like to come and assist me in teaching our Duelling  
Club? Miss Evans would be welcome to too, of course."  
I looked at Lily. Her eyes were bright.  
"Well? How about it? It's our chance to actually do something to help  
in the war. Arming Hogwarts' students?"  
"I... don't know. Maybe..."  
"I'll assure you that you will get paid," Kralie continued. "After  
all, you will be co-teaching."  
"I'll do it if you will, Lily," I shrugged.  
"Okay, that's settled then!" she said brightly. "So, Professor. When  
do we start?"


	11. Let it snow, let it snow

**A/N****: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, I lost my internet connection due to the snow in the UK xD**

Flesh ripped. Muscles stretched. Hairs grew. Pupils dilated. Hunger began.

...~loOol~...~loOol~...~loOol~...

"So how come Madam Pomfrey let you out earlier than usual?"

It was late morning on the 19th of November, the day after my  
transformation. Lily and I had a free double-period; our Herbology  
projects haven been frozen to death in the greenhouse, and Sprout was  
busy procuring some new plant seeds for us to grow.

We were in the empty common room, lounging by the fire. Sirius and co.  
were taking advantage of the free lesson, and bewitching snowballs to  
attack each other.

I sighed, still exhausted from last night's torment.

"Apparently, it was a minor moon. I didn't bite myself, or scratch  
myself, or anything. So she let me go."

"That's stupid." Lily shook her head. "She's stupid. You're obviously  
shattered. You should go to bed, Remus."

I sat up in my seat, and picked my piece of parchment off the carpet.

"What? No!"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "After what you've been through today,  
Remus, I'm sure you need a rest."

Something sparked in my memory.

"Why weren't you with me in the Shack? I was sure you were going to follow me."

"How did you know I wasn't?"

I shrugged. "I'm a werewolf. We can sense things. And I had enough  
control of my mind to know you weren't there. So where were you?"

Lily looked down into the carpet.

"I - I was getting some study done. With some friends."

I leaned closer to her.

"Lily, no-one studies at night apart from me and you."

Lily sighed exasperatedly.

"Okay, Remus. I'm a really bad liar. I was..." She gazed into the fire  
pensively. "I was with Sirius. Trying to stop him from going after  
you."

"Trying to stop him from coming after me?" I repeated incredulously.

"Yes. I figured, with all the stuff that's going on, you'd be more  
vicious than usual." She looked at me and smiled ruefully. "Guess I  
was wrong, huh?"

I sat there numbly for a moment, trying to process that information.  
Lily was right. I should have been crazy last night. But instead, I  
wasn't.

So, that meant that very, very deep down, my wolf wasn't angry with James.

But, just before the duel, I had felt it straining to tear him limb  
from limb. What happened?

I pushed the thought to the back of my mind for contemplation later.  
"Anyway. We ought to get these done for Professor Kralie. He's counting on us."

'These' were the Defence Club's training list, of all the spells we  
were likely to teach. All sorts of spells were on there, from the  
Spongify Charm to the Levicorpus Jinx, which James - Ugh, I thought -  
had disastrously used the year before.

Lily dropped the subject, but I could tell that she would pick it up  
again as soon as I showed any signs of fatigue.

I thought, tip of the quill in my mouth.

"How about Conflagration Curses?"

"Hmm. Could be useful. But put it as an idea, so if we don't cover it,  
it's not a big deal."

Suddenly, the portrait hole swung open, and a dripping wet Sirius  
climbed in. He spotted the two of us, sauntered over and leaned on the  
back of my chair.

"Cold out there," he said airily.

"No kidding," I said, continuing to make notes on the Conflagration Curse.

"Moooooony," Sirius whined, and I swivelled to look at him. In my  
peripheral vision, I could see Lily watching us closely.

"Whaaaaaat?" I mimicked.

"Can you come help me practice for the match next week? The final team  
practice is in a few days."

I rolled my eyes. "Siri, it's freezing cold out there. And my  
transformation was last night. I'm shattered." I ignored Lily, who was  
giving me the 'I-knew-it' look. "Can't you do it by yourself?"

Sirius' eyes pleaded with me.

"How am I supposed to practice passing, shooting and dodging on my  
own? That takes two, you know. And we need some time together."

When Sirius gave me those puppy eyes, I could never resist. So I  
melted like a stick of butter in a cauldron.

"Fine. I'll get Paul's Muggle football. We can use that. I'm sure he  
won't mind."

Sirius beamed. "Great." Then he frowned. "What's a football?"

...~loOol~...~loOol~...~loOol~...

For the umpteenth time, the enchanted football soared past my  
fingertips and into the goalhoop.

"Come on, Remy! You can do better than that!"

"I'd like to see you ride a broom after having your body ripped apart  
and put back together." I mumbled.

I checked my watch.

"It's almost 2 o'clock, Sirius. We should start heading back!" I shouted.

Sirius nodded his approval, and we glided down to the ground.

I put our brooms back in the shed, and began the half-hour walk back  
to the school.

Five minutes of silence. Then -

"I know about the fight, you know."

I was unsurprised. "So?"

Sirius frowned. I hated it when he frowned. It marred his face.

"So... what was the point?"

I sighed, and kicked a pile of snow. "Why ask me? I'm sure you can  
glean the whole story from Potter."

Sirius tugged my scarred hand out of my pocket, and held it in one of  
his soft ones. His palm was sweaty and hot.

"Because you're my..." He hesitated for a moment. "... Boyfriend."

I squeezed his hand.

Reassured, Sirius continued.

"And I'd rather you told me."

I gave in, and told him more or less what I had told Lily that morning after.

When I had finished, Sirius focused on his feet for a moment.

"Yeah. I can see where you're coming from. But you know that he's a  
bit hot-headed and egotistical."

I actually laughed. "Did I just hear you use the world 'egoistical' in  
a sentence? Wow, Sirius Black really has gone up in the world."

Unexpectedly, Sirius leaned in and kissed me gently. Once he'd pulled  
away, he said:

"It's been known to happen. I think you've rubbed off on me."

I smirked, and pulled him in for another kiss.

"So, what are you saying?" I asked Sirius when I pulled away for air,  
my arms hanging around his neck.

"That maybe you should give him another chance."

I thought about it.

"Maybe. In a few days. When he comes crawling back to me, begging me  
to do his homework for him."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Well. That was easier than expected."

I grinned. "I'll still expect some payment from you, though."

"Are you suggesting we skive off class?" Sirius' eyes almost fell out.

"Maybe..."

I loosened my grip on Sirius' neck, and shoved him over the small  
stone wall that was on the edge of the path, and into a snowdrift. I  
had never laughed harder.

Once he resurfaced and got back on the path, Sirius put his arm around  
my shaking shoulders and we started walking again.

"Bastard," he joked.

I kissed his temple.

"Mine."


	12. A New Face

I stared at the red and gold spirals on the carpet as I rounded the final corner of the second-floor corridor. It was gone five o'clock, and classes had ended for the day.  
Sirius' and my plan to skive off the rest of the day's lessons (for me, they were Arithmancy, Divination and Ancient Runes) had been put to an abrupt halt by none other than Miss Lily Evans. She quite literally _forced_ me to continue preparing the spell list as soon as I set foot in Gryffindor Tower.  
She had only let me go when the bell for classes went, and even then she kept a watchful eye on me all the way to Arithmancy, so I couldn't slip away.  
"Your education's much more important than your sex life," Lily had told me firmly.  
My musings were frozen in their tracks when I strode straight into something very solid.  
I bounced back off the object, and my Ancient Runes textbook tumbled out of my grip. Its pointy corner caught my foot hard through my shoe.  
"Ouch!" I hopped on one foot, and lost my balance. I ended up joining my book on the floor. Luckily for me, it was carpeted, not paved in stone like the dungeons.  
"You okay there?"  
I raised my head. It turned out I had walked into a student. A boy about my own age, by the sound of his voice. The boy offered me a hand up, and I took it gratefully.  
He hauled me to my feet, and I began to smooth out my robes.  
Now that I was on his level, I could see that I knew the boy from somewhere. He was a Ravenclaw. We shared some of our classes together. I recognised the hair.  
But it was more than just the hair that made me stop and think.

Although his hair _was_ a contributing factor. It was a very nice bronze colour, and it was down to his ears. His eyes were a vivid green. So bright they seemed to have a luminescent glow.

He was slightly muscular, and quite tall. A prefect, or a Seeke, or something. His name was on the tip of my tongue. Gray, or Grant. Something beggining with G.

The boy picked up my Ancient Runes textbook and offered it to me.

"Name's Lewt. Brad Lewt." Oh well. Not a G, then.

I took the book and tucked it into my satchel.

"Remus Lupin." I offered my hand, and he shook it.

"I know," Brad said with a genuinely warm smile. He hitched his own bag higher up his back. "The guy who's doing thirteen N.E.W.T.s."

I smiled, slightly embarrassed that everyone knew about my heap of studies.

Brad really was quite good-looking. And that, combined with his personality (which was already apparent), made him _desirable_.

I was mortified with my thoughts. I was Sirius', for God's sake!

Brad was staring at me worriedly, as if I was about to dissolve into the carpet. Which I felt I might well do.

"Sorry. I - I... I have to go," I stuttered.

Brad;s smile became slightly sad, and somehow even more worried.

"Fine. I, uh, I guess that's copol. See you around then, Remus."

I starrted backing away slowly. I could tell he could tell that I was _that_ close to spruinting away like a spooked cat. "Bye." Then I walked as calmly as I possibly could towards the library. I didn't look back. I didn't trust myself to.


	13. Revelations

I felt my resolve return once I stepped onto the threshold of the  
library. This was my territory. My fortress.

/My fortress?/ My rational side thought critically. /So theatric.  
That's more of Lily's area. Poetry./

Anyway. I spent most of my time there.

But what I saw left my jaw hangung wide enough for a hinkypunk to wander in.

Because who was sitting at a table, in a near-empty library, actually  
reading? None other than Sirius Orion Black.

He was actually poring over a book. A real book. Not a porn magazine.  
Not "Tactics to Get Your Best Friend Laid". A book.

It must have been something embarrassing, though; he soon whizzed it  
off the table when he realised that a shadow fell onto the pages.

Sirius glanced up meekly, and once he recognised me he relaxied, and  
returned the book table slowly.

"Hey, Remus," he said. "Thought you were Evans, or someone."

"She's in the common room, still working on the list. Man, that girl  
is obsessed. And... you're actually reading." It was more of a  
question than a statement.

Sirius reddened slightly, embarrassed about something. "I, uh, guess  
you could say that."

I slipped onto the bench opposite him, dropping my satchel at my feet.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed about reading, Sirius."

Sirius' pink face scowled at me. "There is when you have a reputation  
to uphold."

I scoffed. "Oh, sure. Sure. That's why you're reading in the library.  
In a public place."

For two people who were supposed to be in love, we sure were bickering a lot.

"May I?" And without waiting for a response, I tugged the tome from  
his spidery grip, and read the title out loud.

" "101 Spells to Make Sex Spectacular..." So /that/ was why he was  
embarrassed. Not because of the action of reading. Of the thing he was  
reading.

"Keep your voice down!" Sirius muttered, squirming in his seat as if  
someone had lit a brazier underneath him.

"Siri, I... " I was nonplussed. "Why... why would you want to read up  
about how to - quite literally - charm your way into someone's pants?"

Sirius snatched the book back off me. In a fierce whisper, he said:

"This book is /not/ about "charming my way into someone's pants"." -  
here he made quotation marks in the air with his fingers. "You're  
thinking of "12 Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches." And anyway, that  
book is only of use to completely straight wizards. What about the gay  
population of the wizarding world? Anyway. This is about enhancing  
sex. Like turning pain into intense pleasure. Or making your come  
taste like honey. There are some really good ones in here."

I frowned, as usual. My brow must be permanently creased by now.  
"Who would want to make their semen taste li- " I stopped and raised  
both my hands. "Actually, on second thoughts, I don't want to know.  
The real issue here is what you're going to do with this book?"

Sirius grinned evilly. "You really had to ask."

I stared at him analytically for a moment.

Then I got it.

"No. NO!"

A glare from Madam Pince quelled my anger.

I continued in a hushed voice.

"Absolutely not. You think I'm going to be your guinea pig? Think  
again. You're not practicing your shoddy spellwork on me. Definitely  
not those perverse spells."

"Aw, come on, Moony," Sirius wheedled. "Just one."

I stood my metaphorical ground.

"No. No, no, no. I know I usually give into your whining, but not this  
time. No."

Sirius shoved the book into his bag.

"Fine. We'll just have to see."

This reminded me of Lily. When she had plans to keep me company last moon.

Suddenly, I became wary of the dark-haired boy. What did he have up  
his sleeve? I didn't want to know. Just like why someone would want  
their come to taste like honey.


	14. A Present For Sirius

**A/N: ****Sorry again about the delay! If you're interested in this story, you should add this to your alerts. The updates won't be regular! I'm trying to get ahead on my chapters, so I should be updating three times a week. Sorry!**

I stared blankly at the canopy of my bed.

It was gone ten, and I had been recalling the events of the past few hours.

"Hey, Sirius?" I hissed to the next bed. I heard a muffled reply.

I opened my bed's curtains. "What are you doing?"

Now Sirius opened his. He was dressed only in his pajama bottoms.

"Wanking. What else would I be doing?"

I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"O... kay? Well, I... Oh jeez. I... I'm sorry, okay? For the way I  
acted earlier. About the whole spell thing.

Sirius beamed, and jumped into my bed eagerly, making the springs groan.

"Does that mean you'll -"

"No. No, I won't." Sirius' smile disappeared faster than Peter could  
finish a butterscotch pie.

Suddenly, a spark of inspiration flashed through my head. I hauled my  
trunk carefully from under my bed, and clicked it open. I rummaged  
around in it for a moment, and I came up with two identical leather  
notebooks.

"I bought these to give to you for Christmas, but since you're already  
showing such a /wonderful/ interest in books... You might as well have  
one now. I bought a different coloured pair for me and Lily, too." I didn't mention that I had burned James' ones with a Conflagration  
Curse a couple of days ago.

Sirius was puzzled. "What are they?"

I handed one to him. It was leather-bound, and coloured black. It had a solid silver image of a regal-looking quill on the cover. It was  
about the size of your average paperback.

"They're Notes-Between books. You write a message in one, close it, press the quill on the front and the message is sent to the other one.  
The quill turns gold when you have a new message. Quite cool. I use another pair to keep contact with my friend Clyde in Australia. And at  
least now I can remind you to do your homework!"

Sirius examined the notebook.

"So basically, I can send a note or a drawing to you, and you can  
receive it anywhere in the world?"

"Yep. Wanna give it a try?"

Sirius kissed me lightly on the lips. It seemed like forever since we had kissed. Even though it was only that afternoon.  
"Oh, parting is such sweet sorrow," Sirius whispered.

I raised my infamous eyebrow.

"You're quoting Shakespeare, now? My, you're really going up in the world." I traced the shape of Sirius' eye with my finger.

"It was in one of your letters from yesterday morning. Before you woke up."

I froze. "And you know this how?"

Sirius pretended to be puzzled again. "I always read your mail."

I clocked him one with my pillow.

"You git."

"What?" Sirius said. "It's not as if you have a secret lover tucked away in a closet somewhere." Sirius gasped in mock realisation. "Or is  
there?"

I shook my head shamefully. "Sometimes I wonder why I stay with you.  
Keeping on not trusting me."

Sirius pouted.

"Come on, you know you love me really. I am irresistible after all."

I folded my arms.

"No, you're not, and I'd only go to your funeral if there was cake.  
Chocolate cake. And only if it was made with the very finest chocolate  
at that."

Now it was Sirius' turn to retaliate. He shoved me, like a little kid would do.

"Aww, has ickle Siri-wirry run out of things to say?" I laughed.

" "Ickle Siri-wirry" ?" Sirius screeched indignantly.

There was an abnormally loud moan from Raymond's bed.

I grabbed my Self-Inking Quill from my cabinet and scrawled a quick message in my own book. I closed it and pressed the front.

Sirius' book glowed red. He picked it up, and read the message.

I think we're being a bit too loud.  
R.

Sirius grinned, and grabbed my quill. This is what I read a moment later.

That sounds like we're shagging each other. Wouldn't want them to hear  
that, would we?

I smirked. "Are you suuggesting we... use the books for our own gain?"  
I whispered.

"Yes. That's what I'm suggesting. Although it wasn't in such polite  
terms in my mind."

...~loOol~...~loOol~...~loOol~...

For the rest of the night, Sirius and I sent messages back and forth between our beds. Their nature was... less than innocent, should I say.

I expected that Sirius had been continuously jacking off. But tonight,  
and for tonight only, I was above the profanity of joining him.

/Profanity? I really am turning into a human thesaurus. I'll need to curb that habit. Maybe in fifty years./

'It was a good idea, then? Getting these books for you?' I sent.

Laughter from the next bed. Then the quill on my book turned red and vibrated.

'The best.'


	15. New Perspectives

Something was different the next morning. I could have told that much.  
I just didn't know what it was.

Same old canopy. Same old bed (although it wasn't as springy as usual,  
and was slick with sweat).

Then I saw it. My curtains were shut.

I never shut my curtains at night. I loved to stare at the stars while  
I drifted off to sleep. It was one of the reasons I was so good at  
Astronomy.

I sat up. My body felt strange, too. Too heavy. Had I slept in a  
strange position?

I went to scratch my chin, and then I froze.

I could feel three-day-old stubble (at least) on it.

But that was impossible! I had only shaved a few hours ago. It  
couldn't have grown back since then. Could it?

I swung my legs out of bed. And there was another thing. They were way  
too long. As long as Paul's, or even Sirius'. As long... as...  
Sirius'...

My eyes widened with shock.

"Has he?" I breathed. "Has he...?"

I turned to the cabinet, and grabbed the mirror that was beside all of  
our beds. I choked.

"He has. He has. Oh, that fucking bastard. He's gone way too far this time."

Because my reflection was that of the most incredible narcissist this century.

Sirius Black.

I slipped off my bed. Oh, he was for it. And five it, and six it, too.  
I grabbed Sirius' wand, and half-ran over to his - my - bed. I yanked  
my curtains open.

He wasn't there.

I scanned the dorm. Where could he be? On a schoolday. At half-eight  
in the morning. I had a hunch. The shower.

I tiptoed unsteadily - I had to get used to my new stature - towards  
the bathroom. I planned to surprise him.

There was casual singing coming from behind the door. It was quite  
good, actually. Celestina Warbeck's 'A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong  
Love'.

I cracked the door open, and steam gushed out, as if trying to flee.

"Oh, come and stir my cauldron  
And if you do it right  
I'll boil you up some hot, strong love  
To keep you warm toniiiiiight

"Oh, be careful when you're stirring  
For if you do it wrong  
You'll be out the door and on the floor  
By the end of this sooooong," my voice rang.

Of course. Our larynxes would have been switched, too.

Stealthily, I slipped into the humid room. My own outline was just  
about visible through the vapour.

I raised Sirius' wand, and cast a non-verbal Sonorous Charm.

I took a breath, and said:

"Finished with my body yet, thief?"

A yelp, and then the sound of running water stopped. A sopping wet me  
stepped out.

"Moony?"

I ended the charm andgrabbed Sirius - or should I say, myself? - by  
the hair, and put my face right up close to his.

I could see all my scars. Were they really that obvious to anyone who  
cared to glance at me? A massive gash crossing my nose. Another one  
just below my left ear.

Anyway.

"Why did you switch our bodies?" I hissed malevolently.  
Sirius squirmed. I could feel his hard body - or mine? - pressing up  
against mine - or Sirius'...?  
Whatever. He had been jacking off. In my body? The cheek!

"Ow! I - Oh, jeez, Moony, let go of my hair!"

"You mean MY hair!"

"Yeah, whatever; just let me go!"

I relaxed my fingers, and Sirius escaped from my grip, smoothing down his hair.

"Bloody hell, Moony. I do look hot when I'm mad, don't I?"

I grabbed Sirius' shoulder and his towel and pulled him out of the bathroom.

I shoved him on my old bed.

"Ooh, getting randy, are we?" Sirius joked. "Or as you might prefer,  
libidinous?"

I scowled.

"Why? WHY?!"

Sirius tried to calm me.

"Hey, keep it down. And, to answer your question, it's just for a  
couple of days." Sirius grinned. "So we can see how hot we are."

"It's not just that, Black. You want me to pretend to be you. And that  
means talking to Potter. And I'm not doing it. And either I'll tell  
everyone what you've done, or you reverse the spell."

Sirius became worried.

"Oh, crap. I guess I should have thought this through. The spell lasts  
for, uh, round about five days."

"Fi - Five days?!" I said indignantly.

"Yeah."

I folded my arms. "I guess I'll be telling, then."

"Remus, don't act like a child -"

"Oh! You're a fine one to talk!" He ignored me.

"I don't think that you want everyone to know that I was reading up on  
sex enhancers to use on you, do you? Would fulfill the bet, admitting  
that. And you wouldn't want that."

I was stumped. I could see no way of getting out of this whole fix.

"Looks like I'm stuck in this lanky fucking body, then."

Sirius winked. " 'Fucking' being the operative word."

I thought about kicking him in the nuts. Hard. But I wanted my body to  
be in good condition when I finally got it back.

"Shut it."

"What, my legs?" Sirius spread his legs wider. "Or my mouth?"

"Both. I can see my body anytime I want."

"Kinky."

I shook my head. "No. You've just got a dirty mind. Who would want to  
literally fuck themselves?"

Sirius pretended to think.

"Peter? I hear he doesn't get many girls."

"Neither will you in my body."

A wink. "On the other hand, you'll be getting more than your fair  
share in mine."

I felt my face go sheet-white.

"Shit."


	16. Pretence

I couldn't eat. I couldn't drink. I couldn't even think straight.

Think _straight_. Ha ha. Very funny.

All I could think about was the events of this morning.

_"I guess I should have thought this through. The spell lasts  
for, uh, round about five days",_ Sirius had said. Five  
days. Five whole days. How was I going to survive that long in this  
body? Hanging out with his mates, getting heavy with girls, gathering  
detentions and going to all his classes.

_He'd better not make my grades go down, _I thought. _Then I'll really  
kill him._  
"Sirius? Are you okay?" James asked, his voice permeating my thoughts.  
It took me a moment to remember that Sirius was me for a few days. It  
was almost a physical pain to recall. I turned in my seat to face him.

"Uh, yeah, James. I'm alright. Thanks for asking."

He frowned. "Since when have you ever called me 'James'? Not 'Prongs'?  
And you're actually speaking in proper English for once. That tells me  
straight away you're not okay."

I was hitting myself inside. Not even five hours into the five day  
period of torture, and I had already slipped up. Disgraceful.

I tried to force myself to think like Sirius. To do what Sirius would  
do. And to say what Sirius would say. "M'okay. Seriously. And I /am/  
always Sirius."

A groan.

"So what's up, then?" Peter chipped in, chewing on a slice of toast.

I forced myself to sigh.

"It's just... look at Re- Moony."

I turned to look further down the table at Sirius. He was talking  
quietly - a great achievement for him - to Lily.

My eyebrows went up for a second. Was that what I actually looked  
like? Still managing to look lonely, when so many others surround me?

"What about him?" James' tone was cold.

"He looks so..." I searched for the word. "Ghostly. As if he's hardly there."

"He's got Evans. They have their little nerdgasms together. And it's  
not as if he's any of my business, anyway."

I felt like punching his face in there and then. How dare he talk  
about me like that?

I willed myself to keep my composure.

"I've been going around with him. And the way he talks about you  
two..." I kept going, the lie getting easier and easier. "About the  
old times... it's almost longing. Regretful. He misses you."

"He can still get stuffed. Can't he, Pete?"

Peter squeaked incoherently.

James continued. "The four Marauders are finished. There's nothing  
anyone can say that can change that." He returned to his bacon  
moodily.

I shrugged. _Oh well. Sirius can't say I didn't try._

**A/N:**** Please review!**


	17. Awkwardness is my Best Trait

**A/N:**** Sorry it's taken me so long to update! My computer completely broke, and it took a few days to get a new one ****_and_**** to get a new dongle.**

The hubbub of the Great Hall faded as I strode determinedly away from it.

Ten minutes with James had been too much. So, under the pretence that  
I needed the toilet, I left him.

Of course, I had no intention of actually going to the toilet. Half of  
them had stopped working, anyway. A month ago, Sirius had thought it a  
good idea to flush an entire box of Filibuster's Wet-Start Fireworks  
down the third-floor one, rocket by rocket.

Needless to say that the damage was severe.

I suddenly felt a hand grasp my forearm and tug me into a room off the  
corridor. I glimpsed a flash of red, which quickly vanished, before  
total darkness enveloped me and my mysterious assailant.

I was disconcerted for a moment. Who would possibly want to tug me,  
Remus John Lupin, into a dark room.

Then I remembered. I wasn't Remus Lupin. At least, not for a few days.  
I was Sirius Black.

"Lumos," a breathy voice whispered, and the room was illuminated.

I was in a broom cupboard. Filled with bottles of Magical  
Mess-Remover, spare cloaks and a feather duster. It was so cramped  
that I was quite literally forced up against the person. I could tell  
by the contours of their body that it was a girl.

The ceiling was so low that, being Sirius, who was very tall, I had to  
bow my head.

A hand grabbed my tie and pulled me in for a slobbery kiss.

It was strange. Kissing somebody that wasn't Sirius. Even more so  
because that person wasn't a boy.

I had always been a werewolf. Just a werewolf. But a few months ago,  
I had found that I was a homosexual werewolf. And now, I was a  
homosexual werewolf kissing someone who almost succeeding in smashing  
my head. Wow. What a mix-up.

I broke away from the kiss to see who it was.

Daisy Hawthorne. A Hufflepuff with long, red hair, brown eyes and a  
large bosom. I supposed Sirius had been seeing her behind my back.  
Well. Not like we were an actual item to the populace of Hogwarts. But  
still. When we next met, severe words would be spoken.

Daisy seemed to be puzzled.

"What's the matter, Siri?"

I almost growled. Someone else calling Sirius 'Siri' was... I  
couldn't even find the word to describe what I was feeling. I guessed  
it could come under jealousy. Even though he had cheated on me.

"I..." I began. "I... don't have the time for this." I began to fumble  
for the door handle, but I was distracted by a small whine.

"Why?" She began to caress my lower back. "We've done this before. You  
liked it then."

Now I was puzzled.

"Done... what?"

Daisy breathed heavily on my face.

"You know. Remember a few nights ago?"

So Sirius had had sex with Daisy. Great. Just great.

Now, because of his actions, she was attempting to deflower me. Out of  
all people. Me.

"I'm sorry, Dais. I really have to go."

And with that, I yanked the door open and dashed down the corridor  
back towards the Great Hall, leaving a very confused Hufflepuff  
behind.


	18. She Really is a Perceptive Witch

**A/N:**** For the purpose of the plot, I've put Sirius on the Quidditch  
team. Even though he wasn't. Okay?  
**

I was furious with myself for not catching on sooner. The fact that  
Sirius was seeing Daisy Hawthorne would explain the time when he'd  
avoided me in the morning. He would have rather been with her than me.

What a bitch. What a freaking bitch.

For the second time in as many minutes, I felt an arm tug at me.

Oh great. Not again. Please don't tell me it's another of Sirius' secret lovers.

Actually, make that shag-partners. He never really loved any of his girlfriends.

But it wasn't who I expected it to be. Because when I was turned  
around, I saw Lily Evans.

I furrowed my brow.

"Lily?"

Her face was tinged with pink, and her hair had started to come out of  
its ponytail, but it was definitely Lily.

"Remus."

I flashed a small smile. And then I realised. She had called me Remus.  
Not Sirius, nor Black. Remus.

"He told you."

Lily shook her head.

"No. He didn't. Although he may as well have. I could tell that there  
was something different about you. I mean - Sirius. Or... Whatever. So  
when I saw you stalking out of the Hall, away from Potter, I put two  
and two together, and followed."

My face burned. "So I guess you saw what happened just now then."

She nodded gravely. "Who was it? Marlene McKinnon?"

I shook my head. "Daisy Hawthorne. The Gobstones club president. Hufflepuff."

Lily rolled her eyes. "That little player."

"Yeah. He played both me and her. For Hawthorne. I feel like kicking  
him so hard he won't be fertile anymore."

"That would be totally justified, Remus..." Lily hesitated. "But do  
you think you could wait until after the Quidditch match on the  
thirtieth? It's Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw, and we really need a decent  
Beater. He's not going to do well if he's been put down like that by  
you, is he?"

I scowled. "I don't care. He's gonna get it. Now would be good. In  
front of everyone. C'mon." I turned and made for the Hall, and Lily  
reluctantly followed.


	19. Confrontation

"Wait! Remus, wait!"

I flung open the tapesty on the third floor and walked briskly along  
the corridor revealed.

"Remus!" Lily called after me. I turned on the spot, and said, my voice shaking:

"What? What is there that you could possibly say that could make this easier?"

Lily caught up with me, and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Listen to me. Just listen. Remember. You're Sirius. Or, at least,  
you're in Sirius' body. How's it going to look to everyone else if you  
if you march in there and accuse Sirius, in your body, of being with  
someone else? Huh? When you get back to your own body, you're going to  
be thought of as a player. A - A cheating scumba-"

I brushed her nail-bitten hand off my shoulder and looked her straight  
in the eye.

"So what am I to do then? Eh? I can't just pretend it never happened. Can I?"

"Sort it out later. Either in public when your time in Sirius' body is  
up. How long is it, anyway?"

"Five days."

"So it should be over by the morning of the 26th. Right?"

"Right."

"Or you can sort it out by tonight. In the dorm. You share one, don't you?"

I shook my head. "No. I mean, yeah, we share a dorm, but I can't wait  
until the 26th. I nedd to do it now, while I'm still angry at him. But  
I won't do it publicly, so everyone can hear. I'll try to handle the  
situation discreetly. Come on. Let's go confront that lying, bitching  
low-life."

...

"So."

Sirius looked up. "Oh, hey. Where'd you go?"

I was sitting opposite Lily and Sirius in the Great Hall, while the  
latter was still finishing his cereal. Lily was piling her plate with  
sausages, but I knew she was really listening.

"Doesn't matter. I know, you know."

Sirius dropped his spoon and frowned. "Know what?"

"Don't give me that shit. I know that you know what I know. You've  
been seeing Daisy Hawthorne. Haven't you? I spoke with her."

He froze. "What...? That was ages ago," Sirius said carefully. "Isn't  
that what she told you? I mean... me?"

My eyes narrowed. "No. She said that youwere... more than willing...  
last night."

His eyes widened, and he raised his hands in defence. "I... I don't..."

"You don't... what? Understand? What isn't there to understand? You  
spend the night with me, then you go crawling to that... that bitch,  
and then you don't even have the decency to own up to it? What kind of  
person are you?"

My tone was becoming shrill, and people were starting to notice. So  
much for discreetly handling the situation.

"Oh! I guess I can answer that myself. A backstabbing man-whore who  
can't stay with anyone for longer than a month. No. A month is too  
long. Maybe a fortnight." My voice was now definitely the loudest in  
the Hall. "Well, I can tell you this, Sirius Orion Black. We're done.  
Finished. Not that we had really started anything in the first place,  
anyway."

The look on Sirius' face - or my  
face - was that of a lonely puppy in the rain. He was past even coherent speech.

I stood up on the bench.

"That's right, Hogwarts. Sirius and I are officially over. That ship  
has sailed. Oh, and I'm actually Remus, due to something that bastard  
did to me in my sleep.

"So Siobhan Grant, you can set fire to your betting system, 'cause we  
are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together. 'Kay?"

Silence.

I got down off my perch.

"Oh, and this," I said to a dumbstruck Sirius, "is from everyone whose  
feelings you have trampled on."

And I grabbed the nearest flagon of pumpkin juice and tipped the whole  
lot over his head.

Sirius yelped and fell backwards off his seat, bringing his plate  
clattering down with him.

Good. He deserves it. And more. Much, much more.

And for the second time in half an hour, I stalked out of the hall,  
the gazes of a thousand eyeballs burning a hole in my back.


	20. Snow, Snow Everywhere

**A/N:**** Sorry it's been so long! I'm on holiday, so..**

I felt cold spread throughout my body as I laid on the ground.

Of course, this being the end of November, winter was well underway. Complete with a two-feet-thick blanket of snow.

I had ran from the Hall, tears threatening to appear, and I myself disappeared into the grounds.

_I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore._

That's what I kept on telling myself. But now, with the refreshing snow all around me, I began to question my thoughts.

Because, irrevocably, I was still drawn to him. It was mad!

It had been a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. And now, I was regretting it.

_I only have one friend. Lily Evans._ A pause. _Maybe I could count Brad as a friend. But, then again, maybe not. I guess you can't really count someone you've only known for a few days as a friend._

There was snow in my hair. Snow in my robes. Snow in my shoes. I really hadn't thought this through. Had I?

I got up, and performed a heating charm on myself. The snow melted, and slid off me like a silk blanket. It was almost time for first period, Transfiguration, and I really didn't want to get on McGonnagal's bad side by not showing up for class. Even if it risked socializing with Sirius.

I guessed my actions in the Hall were a bit too brash. I bet some thought I had overreacted. But it's not okay to just chop and change relationships like that. Nobody deserves that. Nobody.

**Please review!**


	21. Number Nineteen

"Multicorfors."

My wand swished lazily through the air. There was a hardly audible popping  
noise, and several strands of Lily's red hair turned a dirty yellow. Like  
an overripe banana.

"Who needs to be a Metamorphmagus?" I joked, and Lily shook her head in  
mock disdain.

"Honestly, Remus. What colour did you turn it?"

I stifled a laugh. "Yellow."

She raised her eyebrows. "Yellow? I thought you'd be a bit more classy.  
What's wrong with a nice dark blue? I've always wondered what it'd be like  
to have blue hair."

"You'd look like a freak show!" I gave a derisive snort. "Auburn and blue  
hair, auburn eyebrows, emerald eyes - you'd be the laughing stock of our  
year."

Lily sniffed. "Actually, you'd find that highlights are getting more and  
more fashionable in the Muggle world. Not that you'd know."

"I may be gay, Lils, but I'm not exactly a fashion icon, am I?"

Gay. It was the first time I had consciously said the world out loud. I  
finally admitted it to myself: Sirius wasn't an exception to the normal  
biological rules, that I wasn't straight. I was the complete opposite.

"Well, I think you'd look cool with blue streaks in your hair," Lily mused.  
"Not Gothic, but... Edgy."

I was about to formulate a smart reply when McGonagall's voice rang out  
across the classroom.

"Sixth-years, we have twenty minutes left of the lesson. Please reverse  
your transfigurations and listen. I have something to say."

I shot a side glance at Lily. This must be important, it said.

Once everyone's hair was back to normal, McGonagall continued.

"In the weeks leading up to the Christmas break, Professor Dumbledore will  
put into action a plan which, with my help, he has devised to promote house  
unity in these dark times." Here she paused, took a deep breath and carried  
on.

"Today, each of you will be drawing a number from this bowl." She flicked  
her wand, and a huge glass bowl, filled with hundreds of slips of  
parchment, appeared on the desk. "You will not tell your number to anyone  
else. Whoever chooses the same number as you will become your... ahem...  
pen-pal."

Murmurs filled the room. McGonagall raised her voice.

"You will not reveal your name to your correspondent, so there will be no  
prejudice. This bowl is only for the sixth-years, so you need not worry  
about having a pen-pal who is five years younger than you. I will be  
holding this draw for every house.

"You may write to your correspondent as much as you like. Once you write a  
letter, place it in a red envelope and ink your number on the front. Hand  
your letter to me, and I will ensure it is delivered." McGonagall produced  
a roll of parchment and a quill and was poised to write.

"Now. When I call your name, pull out a slip of parchment, remember the  
number on it, and hand it to me." She cleared her throat. "Lois Abbot."

"What do you think?" I whispered to Lily.

"I guess it seems harmless enough. Just as long as you don't get Sirius,  
eh?"

"Yeah."

Name after name after name after name. Lily. Name, name, name. Until-

"Remus Lupin."

I left my desk and made my way to the top of the classroom. I inserted my  
hand into the bowl, rummaged around for a bit, and pulled out a slip of  
parchment. On it, on a spidery hand a recognised as Dumbledore's, was the  
number 19.

19. 19 19 19.

I handed the parchment over to McGonagall, who recorded the number and  
discarded the parchment.

Once everyone had picked a number, McGonagall gave us ten minutes to write  
our first letter.

I frowned, my quill at the ready. What do you write to someone you don't  
even know anything about? I decided to not think about what I was writing,  
and edit it afterwards.

...~loOol~...

_Uh, hi. I guess you're number nineteen, too, huh? Well, that's one thing I_  
_know about you. One thing we have in common._

_I don't even know if you're a boy or a girl. So what do you write to_  
_someone you have never met?_

_Although, we may have met. We just don't know._

_So. Nineteen. A nice number. Odd. Prime. Not too big. I guess these_  
_Arithmancy lessons must really be teaching me stuff. I know that nineteen_  
_isn't big. Wow! I deserve an Oscar._

_I guess I should ask you some stuff. Do you like Quidditch? Books?_  
_Potions? Muggles? Chess?*_

_I used to play Quidditch, but I kind of stopped when I came here._  
_Everyone was better than me, so I gave it up. Seems a bit weedy now, to be_  
_honest._

_I love books. I especially love smelling books. I know that must sound_  
_strange, but that's what I do. Amortentia even smells like books to me._  
_Books and chocolate._

_I hate Potions. I'm going to get a P in my NEWTs. I got an E in my OWLs,_  
_but still. NEWTs are harder, anyway._

_This is getting kind of long now, so I'd better stop._

_Looking forward to hearing from you,_

_No# Nineteen._


	22. First Letter

It was a couple of days before the reply came. I remembered watching all of the sixth-years writing half-heartedly to each other, thinking that the whole exercise was a waste of valuable time.

The reply came in a red envelope, with the number 19 block-wrote on it.

_I agree with you. It's harder to write to someone you don't know. So I'll lead on from your letter._

_Quidditch, huh? Have you tried out for your house team? You should. Most of the people who try out for my house team are crap at it. Especially the guys. It's not endearing to watch them joke about, shoving each other off of brooms, hexing people. Pitiful._

_So… Yeah. I don't really have time to write right now. So… Owl you later._


	23. CHOCOLATE

"So… How's your correspondence going?"

Lily's voice drilled right through my skull. I had already had a headache trying to think of something to write back to… to… _whoever it was_, and she wasn't helping matters. I had said as much to her face. She leant back in her chair, and hitched a knowing smile onto her face.

"Not well, I take it?"

I shook my head half-heartedly.

"Do you have any idea who it is, yet?"

I slammed my quill down on the library table, almost upsetting a bottle of scarlet ink.

"You know, I think you're the only ones who send hourly messages to each other. How am I meant to guess who I'm writing to from…" I paused for a moment to count the number of words in the previous letter. "… Eighty-two words?"

"I dunno. It's doable."

I shook my head again, put my quill to parchment and then lowered it again.

"All I know is that their house Quidditch team acts like a bunch of lunatics."

"Well, that narrows down the field, doesn't it? Who do we know that mucks around all the time, hexes people, and flies like he owns the pitch?"

I cocked my head slightly. "How do you know that hexing people was written in the description?"

Lily blushed. "I, uh, read the letter over your shoulder. Don't shoot me for it," she added, holding her hands up defensively. "I was curious."

"S'okay." I rotate my neck. "And I know what you're insinuating. It's not anyone at all from Gryffindor. And absolutely, definitely, _positively_ not Potter. I mean, which Gryffindor can use the word _endearing_ in a sentence? And don't say me and you," I continued, forestalling her. "Because I know it wasn't you, and how can I write to myself? I reckon it's a Ravenclaw, or a highly educated Slytherin. A Hufflepuff would have to be pretty surly to swear in writing. "

Lily slumped in her chair.

"I haven't a clue, then. It'd be best not to tell them that you're trying to figure out who they are, though," she added as an afterthought.

By the end of our free period, I had come up with this.

_I guess you don't think very highly of our housemates, do you? I guess you could say that for me, as well. Some are complete arses._

_Let's try and find something in common. I'll list some things that I like and dislike.._

I like:

CHOCOLATE.

Some people

Quidditch

FOOD

Charms

MORE FOOD

Stories

LOTSANDLOTSOFFOOD

Sorry! I guess I need food. It would make sense, since it's almost lunch.

I don't like:

Potions

Sirius Black. Yech.

James Potter. That bastard.

Hypocrites and people who judge others

Oh God. I really am hungry. I better get some food from the kitchens. They're always happy to help.

Needless to say, It was embarrassing.


	24. The Mendelin Rune

I rested my tired head on my hands. I just couldn't think.

I was in the library again, and it was almost nine. My unfinished Ancient Runes translation sat in front of me, as if it was mocking me. I couldn't find a match in English for the _mendelin_ rune. I'd looked in every runic dictionary this library has to offer; I even enlisted the help of Madam Pince, but to no avail. _I'm just going to have to do it tomorrow._

I screwed my ink pot shut and shoved it into my satchel, along with my rolled-up translation and my quill.

I was just about to head for the common room when a voice rang out:

"Remus!"

I turned around slowly, eyeing Lily up as she climbed the library steps. She held something in her hand, and she offered it to me.

I walked towards her. She had a red envelope, which I take.

I know what it is even before I see the 19.

"This came for you," Lily raised an eyebrow as I tore the envelope open.

I unfold the parchment inside.

_I know you're trying to figure out who I am. Here's my advice to you. Stop trying. I've already figured out who you are._

_So. How about we meet up sometime? Say... tomorrow? At morning break? Third-floor corridor?_

_See you then, Remus Lupin._

Without looking up, I handed the letter to Lily, who I know can read with lightning speed.

"They know who I am," I said without inflection. "I should have been more careful."

"Yes. You should have." Lily gave back the letter, and pulled me out of the library. "You have no idea who this person is, and they want to meet up with you? Sounds like a recipe for disaster."


	25. Surprise!

I tilted my watch so I could see the time. 10.37. _It's morning break._  
_Third floor corridor. So where's this person? The corridor's_  
_completely empty._

Reaching into my satchel, I withdrew the Map. It'd been a while since  
I'd used it. Since the night of the duel in the dorm. I had simply  
chucked it deep into my trunk, and put a Stealth Hex around it.

As I scanned the Map for anyone nearby, my mind wandered unconsciously  
to what had happened recently.

I had to admit that all of us had been acting weirdly lately. Well.  
Okay, not so much Sirius. He was as obnoxious and thoughtless as  
usual. But James had been... even more bitchy than he was before. And  
even I'd been extra flighty.

My eyes slid over the map, making sure Lily was still waiting in the  
Hall. I'd told her to stay put, that I was just going to return a  
library book. I didn't think she'd believe me for a second, but she  
had warily waved me off.

I leant up against the tapestry of Cadamus the Caring and thought  
back. Really, it had all started when Sirius sent Lily a few pictures  
of James in the shower. James had gone ballistic, shouting streams of  
obscenities at Sirius. More than usual. That was when Sirius had came  
out as bi, enraged by insults about gay people James had shot at him,  
comparing him to a homosexual voyeur.

James had sort of backed away from Sirius when he had been trying to  
get off on boys instead of girls. He'd avoided Sirius completely when  
he was with his current partner. And when all those ended badly, I was  
the only one there to console him.

Until a night when, slightly smashed with Firewhisky after yet another  
failed date, he had leant in and kissed me mid-sentence.

That's when James had came back in play. When he found out that his  
best friend had settled for _his_ best friend, James settled for it,  
too. He'd like it more if we were together than if Sirius was skipping  
around with strangers every other night. He'd even said so to me.

I didn't like where my mind was taking me. What's wallowing in the  
past going to fix?

_ And it's not helped by the fact that I still lov-_

Suddenly, I spotted someone coming along the corridor on the map. I  
stared at the little black dot in disbelief.

_ No. It can't be. Th- this is a set up._

Because when I looked up, raising his eyebrows at me was none other  
than Regulus Arcturus Black, with an expression of fastidious distaste  
plastered on his face.


	26. Wait, What?

"Remus Lupin, right?" The black-haired boy frowned at me. "Or are you Sirius?"

_Oh. Yeah._

I still looked like Sirius. By my calculations, the spell should wear  
off tomorrow. Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.

I unhitched myself from the wall shifted uncomfortably.

"No. I... uh... I'm still Remus."

"Good." Regulus arched an eyebrow. With a start, I realised that it  
was exactly the same as Sirius'.

He gestured to a classroom on the other side of the corridor. "Shall we?"

...~loOol~...

"If I was in your situation," Regulus started, leaning back in his  
chair. "If I were still in love with Sirius - God forbid - I would  
cheat that bastard right back."

I nearly fall off my own chair. In the dim light, Regulus' pale skin  
seemed to glow. I didn't know that much about Sirius' family; it was a  
topic he had always steered clear of. I had no picture of their  
attitude towards him. Nothing at all. Not even a scrawled letter from  
his parents.

But I now knew that Regulus hated him. Probably because he was so much  
more popular than him, but maybe partly because Sirius was gay.

"You... you would?"

"Oh yeah. But not just cheat. I would find someone he really hates and  
go for it." Regulus' eyes flicked to the floor. "Someone he would be  
jealous of. Someone handsome, or someone with a nice disposition."

Someone handsome and charming. Someone Sirius would be jealous of...

And, suddenly, it came to me. A certain male Ravenclaw.

"You really think that would work?"

Regulus looked at me again.

"Absolutely positive."

...~loOol~...

"Lily," I gasped, my voice seeming low and rough. "Lily, I need to talk to you."

"Is it about that Defence club? Because I think we've pretty much  
forfeited that."

"Sorry. But it's important. About... Sirius."

Lily's eyebrows almost disappeared into her hair.

"All right. Let's go to the lake. Nobody will want to go there when  
it's this cold. Let me just go get my cloak.

...~loOol~...

"So, what you're saying is, that you met up with Regulus Black, your  
correspondent, and he told you to hit Sirius back?"

I look out to the lake, watching the water ripple.

"Yes," I sighed. "And I think I know who to ask out." I look directly  
at Lily. "Lewt. Ravenclaw."

Lily's squeal drove spikes into my ears. She clapped manically, her  
face split in a beam.

"asdfghjkl," she sort-of says. "He's _perfect_ for you. Nice, clever,  
understanding."

A half-smile sneaks onto my face.

"You think so?"

"I know so." She smiles ruefully. "I think he half-fancies you,  
anyway! So... where to start?"


	27. Swish and Flick

Sometime that night, I returned to my own body. And I knew that, just  
one bed over, Sirius was comfortably back in his.

It was bizarre: we were still sharing the same dorm! In our situation!  
But it would have raised even more questions if one of us had  
switched.

Breakfast that morning was a quiet affair. I was sitting across from  
an almost catatonic-with-anticipation Lily, who was firing ideas at me  
on how to best confess my "feelings" for Brad. How I shouldn't crowd  
him. How I should leave him space to back out if he wanted to. How to  
initiate at least three touches with him.

But I didn't care. All I could think about was Sirius. How much this  
might hurt him.

I had found my Notes-Between book earlier, wedged inbetween 'A History  
of Magic' and 'Quintessence'. The quill was glowing red.

/I'm sorry/, it had read. That was it. But it was enough to shatter my  
resolve like so much glass.

"Remus!" Lily's fingers snapped in my face, and I blinked rapidly.  
"Are you even listening to me?"

I stifled a sigh. "Yeah. 'Course I am."

Lily frowned. "Right. Anyway, I was telling you that Charms is first  
thing. We'd better get going if we want to convince Flitwick to swap  
you with Marlene."

"Oh. Right. Yeah. Fine."

...~loOol~...

"No," I said, staying Brad's hand for the third time. "I told you,  
it's a sharp jab, not a swish."

Brad grimaced, and looked at the wine glass apprehensively. "Right. Sorry."

I left my hand on his for a moment longer than it was necessary, and  
then withdrew it slowly.

"You'd better be. Otherwise you could blast the whole desk to pieces.  
And we'd have some serious explaining to do to Flitwick."

We were going back over Unbreakable Charms in class, and Brad...  
wasn't doing a very good job at them, to say the least.

Lily had somehow sold Professor Flitwick a story about how I needed to  
move to the front row to see the board clearly. I had 20/20 vision.

Oldest trick in the book, but it worked.

Under the pretence of looking for something in my bag, I ducked under  
the desk for a moment.

My hand skimmed along Brad's taut thigh, and lingered on his knee. I  
heard a sharp intake of breath from above as my hand got a firmer grip  
on it. I resurface, clutching 'Charms Made Easy'.

I glanced at him apologetically.

"Sorry. I can't... er... you know... get down... there... without  
holding on to something."

As soon as I finished that sentence, I realised the sexual  
implications. But it didn't matter; Brad just half-smiled, and  
tenderly said that there was no need to apologise.

But when I opened up the textbook and flicked through the pages, I  
caught him staring at me quizzically, as if trying to figure me out.  
And I thought I could see a hint of a smile playing at his lips.

...~loOol~...

"I think that you'll agree that our next job is to get him to spend  
more time with you."

"But how? I can hardly go up to him and say 'Hey, I just met you, **[and**  
**this is crazy xD ]** but here's my address, so owl me, maybe', can I?"

A cool breeze was pleasantly blowing, ruffling our hair slightly as we  
sat in the shadow of the giant tree by the lake.

The weather had taken a dramatic turn for the better, surprising  
everybody. Where there was a thin blanket of snow the day before,  
there were daffodils beginning to sprout, and luscious grass. The  
weather had simply snapped from winter to spring just like that, but  
nobody was complaining.

Lily sighed and leant back against the trunk.

"No. Not really."

I mirrored her. "So what do you propose we do?"

"Not _we_, Remus." Lily smiled serenely. "_You_. You know what he  
likes. Reading. Quidditch. Talking. Go and find him. We have a study  
period. And our N.E.W.T.S are coming up. He'll most likely be in the  
library or something."

She was probably right. Often in the evening, when all the others had  
got bored of studying and wandered off, it'd be only me and a handful  
of Ravenclaws left. Nine out of ten times /he/ was there. Although I  
hadn't paid any particular notice to him.

I raised my eyebrows.

"So first, you convince Flitwick to move me next to Brad in Charms,  
where I sort of touch him up. Then I go to seek him out in a free  
period. Brad's not dumb; he'll figure it out and avoid me."

Lily waved my concerns away.

"You're right. Brad's not dumb, but he's willing to see the best in  
everyone. What?" she added, seeing my haughty expression. "You don't  
know him like I do. You know my friend Michaela? She went out with him  
once. She went on about him for days, about what he said and what he  
did.

"Anyway, I'm drivelling. All I'm saying is to go talk to him. Build up  
a friendship."

I made one last effort to dissuade her.

"I hate to break it to you, but if he was once interested in Michaela  
- a girl - I doubt he would be interested in me."

"Not necessarily. He could be bi. And you can't help who you might  
fall in love with, after all."

"No," I sighed, my mind drifting. "You can't."

**A/N:**** Yes, I HAVE read the Marauders' Companion: that's where I got ****_limpid tears_**** from. It's my absolute favourite fanfic :D**


	28. Catatonic-With-Joy Girl

I ran my fingertips pensively over the bulky spines of the books,  
trying very hard not to even glance in Brad's direction, where he was  
scribbling notes on a piece of parchment.

_Which one to choose, which one to choose..._

I settled upon 'Where There's A Wand, There's A Way'. It'd make me  
look like I was actually studying, instead of... whatever it was that  
I was going to do.

I slid the book off the shelf and went to sit at a table. Any table.

I dropped my satchel at my feet and began to read.

_The Riddikulus Jinx is an excellent way of getting rid of a pesky_  
_Boggart. Invented in 1831 by Charlus Fray, it allows the caster to_  
_transform the Boggart into something which he or she finds amusi-_

"Psst. Remus."

Without looking up, I knew who it was.

_Oh well. No need to prolong the inevitable._ I frowned inside.  
_That's making it sound like a bad thing. It isn't. Is it?_

I looked up. And I saw him sliding onto the bench opposite.

Brad put down his work on the table and smiled at me, his eyes lighting up.

"Hey."

I raised an eyebrow and said hi back. Pretending I was actually  
interested in my textbook, I dog-eared the page on _Riddikulus_ and  
closed it.

"I... uh... just wanted to talk to you for a moment. About... Charms class."

I felt a heavy lead ball drop into my stomach.

"Well, okay." I tried to make my vooice sound cheery and light, but it  
came out as sullen.

Brad sighed and fidgeted.

"You haven't really got bad eye-sight. Have you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

I felt myself turning pink.

"Ah. No. I'm not."

"So that begs the question of why you moved seats."

Brad's voice had lowered and taken on a calculating tone. He was talking like a stereotypical Ravenclaw.

"The only plausible explanations are: A - you wanted to get away from something or someone near where _you_ were sitting, or B - you wanted to be nearer to something or someone where _I_ was sitting. So. Which is it?"

I wanted to point out that there were a whole lot of other possibilities than those two. But that wasn't the time.

"I think you know, Brad."

He narrowed his eyes.

"It was me. Wasn't it? You wanted to get closer to me. Both literally and figuratively."

I fought hard to keep my voice even.

"Yes. Yes I did."

And before I could change my mind, before I could rationalise with myself, I grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him full on the mouth, ignoring the scandalised look Madam Pince gave us, and the catatonic-with-joy look of the red-haired girl standing in the doorway.


	29. Fourth-Floor

Brad bit his lip.

"I don't know about dating, Remus. I... I'm not sure we're there yet.

A laugh bubbled up inside me.

"Oh, yeah, sure. I kissed you, you kissed me back. Bitter enemies, we are."

"If _I_ have a say in this, you two are so cute together."

Brad looked at Lily. He smiled winningly.

"Evans, just admit it. You only want us to be jumping each other's  
bones by the end of the month."

"I do _not_!"

The hidden room behind the cracked mirror on the fourth floor provided  
an excellent meeting place. We could see and hear everything through  
the mirror, but the people on the other side couldn't see or hear us.

Brad, Lily and I had decided to come here to talk after the incident  
in the library. I still wasn't sure where I stood with Brad yet. Would  
he brush off the kiss like it was nothing? Come back for more? Or  
avoid me for all eternity?

Okay. Maybe that was a little melodramatic.

"Do so."

"Do not."

I rolled my eyes. "Guys."

"Oh, really? Then tell me you won't faint if I do... this?"

And he brushed his lips lightly across mine, sending shivers down my  
spine. I was caught off-guard for only a moment; I shuffled forwards,  
pressing our mouths together harder. My fingers found their way into  
Brad's ruffled hair.

Eventually it's me who has to pull away, for need of air.

"You changed your tune, huh?"

"Shut it." But he looked pleased.

I heard a breathless moan. It's Lily. She was staring at us like we  
were some caramel chocolates she'd love to devour.

"Your problem is?" Brad asked. Lily just mumbled something like "oh,  
my teepee." Whatever that meant.

"So are we cool?" I asked Brad.

He squeezed my shoulder.

"We're cool."


	30. Scrivenshafts and Krafters

Lunch on that day - the 27th - was quiet; Lily wasn't bugging me about  
Sirius. Nobody even knew where he was. He'd stalked out of Charms  
without saying a word. Nobody had seen him since.

The upcoming match between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor was causing a lot  
of excitement amongst the school. It was only three days away - on the  
thirtieth - and it would decide who would be playing for first place  
in May.

I stabbed a sausage with my fork and ate it bit by bit.

"So. Remus." Lily set down her knife and fork. "Are you going to  
Hogsmeade tomorrow? The professors are giving us permission to go buy  
Christmas presents."

An invisible hand twisted my guts; I had been intentionally avoiding  
the subject of Christmas. I had bought Sirius another present in  
replacement for the Notes-Between booklets: silver lion cufflinks and  
a silver thumb-ring. Two, because Christmas Day marked the anniversary  
of our first kiss. Under the mistletoe. But since we broke up, I  
figured that Christmas this year would be painful for me.

"Uh, yeah. I mean if you're going, then I'll come too. But if you're  
not..." I was already half-hoping she'd say she wasn't.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be going." Her eyes light up. "Hey. Bring Brad  
along. Make a date of it. Go to Honeydukes. Or that little café near  
Scrivenshafts..."

"If you're thinking of Madam Puddifoots, no. Last time I was there,  
with Sirius for Valentine's, I choked on confetti. Stupid cherubs  
sprinkled it in my coffee."

"No... no. Hey - Hey, Lena!" she called down the table. "What's that  
café called? The one by Scrivenshafts and Krafters?"

Lena duHearst from three seats down leant over her eggs to see Lily.

"Scrivenshafts? That quill place, right? Celebrations? Isn't that it?"

"Thanks!" She turned back to me. "Maybe you should take him there. Buy  
him a coffee or something?"

I finish the rest of my sausage in one bite.

"Yeah. Maybe. Guess I'll have to ask Brad after Runes next period."


	31. Reflection

Sirius' POV

The ground looked a long way away. I could see for about a mile in  
every direction: the lake shimmered with a blue light, the forest  
dense but leafless, and the Quidditch stadium deserted.

As the cold wind ruffled my hair, I contemplated throwing myself off  
the side of the Astronomy Tower; it would definitely be the easiest  
way of quelling the collection of emotions inside me.

But no. That would be a sign of cowardice. I needed to be strong. I  
needed to be -

Then, it hit me. The only person I had ever loved was Remus. All the  
rest of my relationships had merely been lust. But how was I supposed  
to keep it together if I kept seeing him everywhere? In the corridors.  
At classes. In the dorm. It was horrible.

I closed my eyes. It was too much. I couldn't go on like this. I just couldn't.

I swayed slightly in the wind.

How was I supposed to move on from Remus if I still had feelings for  
him? It was impossible.

I visualised myself spending the rest of my life alone. Wallowing in  
the past. Not being able to let it go.

I couldn't let that happen.

I was still in love with Remus. Irrevocably bound to him. And it killed me.

My hands found the railing. It was icy cold. My feet found it too. My  
brain had no choice in the matter.

They say when you're about to die, you have a flashback of your life.  
And that's exactly what I had. And it was all Remus.

Remus on the train to Hogwarts for the first time. Remus shivering in  
the Shack after the full moon. Remus biting into a bar of Honeydukes'  
chocolate. Remus' face getting closer and closer under that bunch of  
mistletoe...

And then my mind went blank.

A rush of air, a feeling of weightlessness. Then nothing at all.


	32. All My Friends Are Dead

After classes, I tugged Brad aside from the general hubbub of the  
corridor and into an abandoned classroom. He seemed happy with the  
idea of going to Hogsmeade the following day.

"It'll give me a chance to stock up on Honeydukes'," he said.

Brad had some Potions project to complete, so I made my way up to the  
common room, hoping I could dip into my stash of chocolate frogs.

"Mea maxima culpta."

The portrait swung open, and I crawled through the hole it revealed.

The common room was filled with conspiratorial whispers. A few people  
gave me pointed looks.

I frowned. Something must have happened. Something big.

I headed over to the roaring fireplace, where I knew Lily usually  
sits. And I wasn't disappointed.

When she saw me, her eyes grew wide. She rose out of her chair.

"Lily..." I dumped my satchel unceremoniously on the floor. "What...  
what's going on?"

Lily's eyes were filled with pity.  
"Remus... It's Sirius. He - he jumped. Off the Astronomy Tower. And...  
and..." She broke off.

I felt a fifty-pound weight slam into my chest. "WHAT?" I went dizzy.  
"HE'S DEAD?"

"N-no. Not yet. He's in the hospital wing."

I breathed out. He's okay. He's okay. But I still needed to see him.

I grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the portrait hole.

"R-Remus," Lily stuttered. "I'm not sure this is such a good idea."

"I'm going to see him, Lily. Whether it's awkward for us or not."

"He may not even be conscious, Remus," Lily said as we stepped out  
onto the Grand Staircase.

"I don't care, Lily." I said. "I'm going to see him. End of."


	33. Dear Diary

**A/N:**** I named the last chapter the way I did on purpose :D**

"So you finally showed your face, huh?" James' voice was choked, his  
eyes were tinted red. "Sirius has to fall off a tower for you to even  
acknowledge his presence?"

"James," Lily said gently. "You're not the only one who's upset you know."

She was right there. The hospital wing was positively crammed with  
people visiting Sirius: James, Peter, Regulus, Daisy (that bitch),  
Paul, Raymond, Lena, Lily and me. They all had a grim expression on  
their faces.

"I don't care, Evans! I don't want _him_ here!" James pointed an  
accusatory finger at me. "Sirius probably pitched himself off there  
because of him. If he hadn't had a fling with that bastard Ravenclaw,  
we wouldn't be in this fucking situation!"

I clenched my fists; I saw red.

"YOU'RE SO STUPID! YOU'RE SO STUPID, CAN'T YOU SEE ANYTHING? I WAS  
TRYING TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS!"

"OH YEAH?" James' voice rose, too. "WELL, LOOK HOW THAT PLAN TURNED  
OUT! MY BEST MATE IS LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED! HE COULD BE DYING FOR  
ALL WE KNOW!"

I was just reaching into my robe pocket for my wand, when - "Calm  
down!" Lily's voice was stern. "Otherwise Madam Pomfrey is going to  
come out here in a second and send us all out. Let's focus on the  
facts here. Peter." Lily turned to Pettigrew, who was sitting on the  
foot of Sirius' bed, sucking nervously on a Sugar Quill. "What  
happened?"

"W-W-We don't know, exactly," he stuttered. "James and I went looking  
for Sirius at lunch. We never found him; he was already in the  
hospital wing."

James strived to keep his voice even. "Dumbledore was here about a  
half-hour ago. He said that there's an enchantment on all the towers.  
If any living person falls off the side of one, a modified Arreste  
Momentum charm slows them down safely."

Lily frowned. "So why is Sirius unconscious?"

"Dumbledore reckons Sirius was going fast enough for him to hit the  
ground before the charm could slow him down enough," Peter mumbled.  
"He broke a leg and a few ribs, but Pomfrey's got that sorted. She  
still thinks it's best to leave him to wake up naturally, though."

"Will he still be able to play in the match on the thirtieth?" I asked.

James ignored me, so Peter answered. "Probably" was all he said.

We stayed silent for about five to ten minutes, watching Sirius' chest  
move up and down.

He looked peaceful in his unconsciousness. His face was clear from  
blemishes; I longed to caress that face, to kiss it, even though he  
wouldn't know. But that would make things even more complicated.

His hair was tousled like he had just played in a Quidditch match,  
all tangled up in itself. I refrained from reaching over and freeing  
the knots.

So that was what it was like for Sirius every month after my Change.  
How he could stand it, I did not know.

Eventually, Pomfrey came to chivvy us out, saying we could come back  
at eight the next morning. When we reached the common room, James and  
Peter and Lily and Lena went up to their respective dorms, and so did  
Paul, Raymond and I.

I couldn't sleep. I was staring at the canopy for about an hour before  
I got out my Notes-Between book and read all of Sirius' letters to me.

_Remus, _one said._  
I just want you to know that you looked so fucking hot in Binns'  
class today. I kept wanting to jerk off watching you write notes with  
your tongue sticking out, your face filled with concentration. The  
same look you have when you _take care _of me. I almost came right  
here, writing this to you. Just thought I'd let you know. Hey, want to  
go to the Prefect's Bathroom and mess up all the taps? It sounds like  
fun.  
S._

I cried into my pillow, then. I cried until it was sodden. I criec  
until my eyes were pink. I cried until the first dream hit me like a  
freight train.


	34. Lies Everywhere

**A/N:**** I don't even want to ****_think_**** about how long it's been… D:**

Sharp snowflakes sliced my face as we struggled up the slippery path that leads to Hogsmeade. Brad and I walked shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the bitter winds as one.

"So Remus," Brad shouted over the howling of the wind. "Where to?"

I adjusted my scarf with one hand.

"I was thinking Honeydukes," I replied. "It's always warm in there. Besides, I need to get some more chocolate for my stash. I'm running low."

Brad turned his face to me; it was tinged pink by the cold. He grinned.

"You have a secret stash of chocolate?"

"Yes." I drew my cloak tighter around me as we finally got to the high street of Hogsmeade. "It keeps me going..." I quickly changed tact. "...when I'm stressed, like in exam periods."

The warmth of Honeydukes was immediate and welcome. It was a relief to be able to take off my hat and my scarf.

Brad's hand closed over mine, and my initial reaction was to tug it free. But I didn't.

He noticed my brief internal struggle. With a slight frown, he said: "You okay, there?"

I nod. "It was... just the sudden change of temperature."

_Lies, lies everywhere_. I tugged him over to the chocolate section.

It was heaven. Row upon row of every kind of cocoa-based product imaginable. My eyes glazed over with amazement.

I grabbed everything I could off the shelf: caramel, a deluxe Chocolate Frog, two paving slabs of dark chocolate and milk chocolate...

Brad watched the whole episode with an amused expression.

"You look like a squirrel gathering nuts."

"Oh. That reminds me. Nut chocolate. I think it's over here..."

Brad sighed. "You're a nutter."

I tried to smile at him. "I know."

...~loOol~...

As soon as I entered the hospital wing, I knew I was in trouble.

Sirius' dark eyes bored into me. He didn't say a word as I sat down on the bed next to him and put the bag of chocolate next to him.

_I'm sick of avoiding him. I'm sick of all this fucking shit._

"Sirius. We need to talk."


	35. Confessions

I sighed.

"You can't avoid talking to me forever, you know."

Silence. Sirius' grey eyes bored into my amber ones.

"We need to work things out. And how are we going to do that if you're orally celibate?"

Silence. I fidgeted.

"I... I feel terrible. For making you feel that way. And... I'm sorry."

More silence. Then -

"So that's it." Sirius' voice was croaky, hoarse with disuse. "I have to jump off a tower to get you to take any notice of me."

My heart decided to take a dive into my stomach.

"Sirius... I... The reason I've been ignoring you... I wanted to make you jealous."

Sirius snorted and sat up. "You're acting like I didn't know."

My eyes widened. "Is that what made you... do what you did?"

Sirius continued. "Watching you with... him... made me want to kill myself. Because if you thought that I'd have to see you with another guy to realise that I wanted you... then you have no faith in me at all. Didn't you think I _wanted_ to talk to you? Didn't you think I _cared_ about you? And that, Lupin, is why I threw myself off that tower. It wasn't for you. It was for me. To spare myself from that."

Silence yet again. This time it stretches for a whole minute.

"D'you remember that penpal thing we did?" I nodded. "Well... Mine was Evans. And we talked about things. Mainly you and... him." He still didn't feel up to using Brad's name. "She told me what you were doing together. Where you went. What you talked about." Sirius glowered at me. "Did you put her up to that?"

I was devoid of speech. "No... I never even knew she was still doing that thing."

Sirius closed his eyes and reclined on his bed.

"Okay. I... I'm gonna sleep now. So I reckon you should leave."

I stood up. Leaving all but one slab of the chocolate behind, I made for the door. And I turned at the last moment.

Sirius gazed stonily up at the ceiling, as if trying to outstare a dragon.

Had we really got anywhere? Or had this all been a waste of time?

I didn't know.


	36. NOT A CHAPTER

**Sorry for the long between-update period... :/ I'm working on the last chapter, and I want it to be the best so far. ^_^ So yeah.**


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